Wednesday, February 27, 2008

A vibrating cock-a-doodle DON'T!

You know them. i know you love them, because I can't keep them in stock. Our friend the vibrating cock ring is a big hit in the KC Metro Area.

Now, you can go to any drugstore and grab a vibrating cock ring. Trojan makes the Elexa, a very discreet ring that hangs with the condoms.

Doesn't make a whole crap ton of sense that I would tell you that, right?

Well, There's a lovely little article as to why the Trojan Elexa isn't worth the 12.00 price tag it's attached to, and why the Magic Ring (above) IS.

Trojan and their 20 minute sex window? Not thinking much about their clientele's, ahem, longevity in the bedroom.

But don't take my word for it. See whta the writer from the NY Observer has to say...

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Hotlinking just ain't what it used to be...

**********If Brevity is the source of Wit, Humility is the source of Blogs...*******************

So,

Post posting the poly-happy post below, I recieved a comment from a really lovely fellow informing me that I am "hotlinking" to his website with my images.

Hotlinking, aka, using up his bandwidth.

Bandwidth, aks, the stuff that makes everything run smoothly.

Now, as a sexologist, I may be able to decipher hotlinking, but I think i'd be wrong.

So I called the fellow who posted the comment and prostrated myself.

In exchange for having a total stranger call him out of the blue (proving once again that the internet haas entirely too much information available) he told me how to not hotlink anymore.

Thank you fellows at Portigal Consulting.

I hope you don't mind that I linked now.

And Steve, I owe you a cup of coffee when I get back to SF in June.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Roo-rific!!!



Thank you SO much residents of Oak Hall at UMKC!!!! Sex night at the Residential Hall was WAY TOO MUCH FUN!!!

I went over to UMKC to talk about sex toys and sexual pleasure as part of the monthly Sex Talk series! And boy, that room was packed! We had a blast. First, the resident health educator talked about the services available at UMKC, and then they turned the floor over to me.



I was still attaching these to a table:





But then it was my turn to talk. And boy, those UMKC students kept me on my toes! We talked about vibrators, sex, anal play, lube, polyamory, kegel exercises, monagamy, BDSM, and just about everything under the sun!

And then they gave me a sweatshirt!

I'm gonna wear it all week at the store. I am that proud of being a Roo!

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Monaga-maybe???


Q: I'm a woman in my early twenties, and have had two serious, long term relationships (don't worry, this is actually a sex question). About a year into each of these relationships, I found my sex drive drastically declining (no, neither time did I go on or off any medication). Sex morphed into an obligation, rather than a loving or fun act. I also found myself, both times, itching for sex outside of the relationship, though I never pursued it. Is this a common occurrence in women, or am I such a closeted swinger that I didn't even know it myself?

A: Ah, sex and relationships. the bread and butter of the Sexology industry. Don't worry, ma'am, I'm here to help on both fronts.

Sex in relationships is a lot like sex outside of relationships. It's really hot for a while, you can't get enough of the other person, and then WHAM you see her pick her nose, or you see the skid marks on his shorts, and the veneer is...less shiny.

What you are experiences is the very normal experience of seeing the skid marks. the drive declines when we start tp see the other person as an, um, PERSON, instead of the oh-my-god!-he's-amazing-and-sooooo-funny-and-what-an-amazing-lay-and-I-can't-wait-to-have-his-babies-! - person.

Not to say that you're doing that, but the very natural drop off in chemicals that you are experiencing can happen anywhere from 6 months to 18 months. Then things will hit a groove, and the person starts to look attractive again for a couple of years, and then around the 3-5 year mark, BAM, there it goes again.

Human sex drive is a pesky thing. It comes and goes for no reason. And if we have other issues that have plagued us (not that you said you did) such as intimacy, trust, or baggage from previous relationships, it can seen like it never ends.

What;s AWESOME about your e-mail is that you see a pattern. Seeing a pattern means you can break a pattern. You can anticipate a pattern. You know that (like many humans) you have a point where the sex drive becomes more of a sex neutral. And that at that point, a new car looks interesting. You also know that chemical rush you get at the beginning does go in ANY relationship. And it would with any car you got behind the wheel of.

HOWEVER, you may also be a lovely breed of human known as non-monogamous. Lots of different labels that essentially mean is that whole you don't fit into the classic monogamous mold that has been shoved down our throats our entire lives. And there are a TON of people that fall into those categories as well. Look up being in the lifestyle for more information.

All in all, don't worry about these issues. the ebb and flow of desire is normal. It's a regular thing even for die-hard monogamists. Which you might not be.

Friday, February 22, 2008

My song of choice tonight?

Girl, don't go away mad-Motley Crue of course!
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Raccoons live in the sewer!



So, I'm driving home from dinner with loved ones, and got really caught up in a song. You know, whens song is just SO appropriate that you pass your house and keep driving to sing and look like an ass in your car a little longer?

Yeah, I did that.

And I'm gonna continue after I send this.

ANYWAYS, I was driving, singing along, and what do I see? A tiny fuzzy raccoon head popping out of a sewer grate!

It has nothing to do with sex, but it was so odd to me I had to take a picture and share it with the world.

Tiny glowing spot in the sewer=my fuzzy friend.

Have a lovely Friday everyone! I am @ the store from 12-9 tomorrow. Stop by and say hi!
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Thursday, February 21, 2008

In which I learn to use my computer...


So, I have finally loaded my radio interview on my website. You can listen to it here!
Oh, and they invited me back on for March, and you can all call in with questions or criticisms. I promise not to bite.
Yeah, that joke's too easy. I'm leaving it alone. ALONE, I say!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Full moon fever???


Ok, I had this great idea about how I would do an article about all the lunar eclipse/sex stuff out there. How the eclipse make people RAAAAAAAAAANDY, baby! How they're doin' it left and right, up and down.

What did I find?

That I was thinking about the full moon, not a lunar eclipse...

Duh, Elizabeth, duh.

Turns out, that MOST cultures view the lunar eclipse as a bad, BAD omen.

Bad nooky mojo.

In India, couples won't touch each other during an eclipse. It's considered such bad luck that they stay in seperate rooms.

Now, if they'd just jump a qick flight and head to Tahiti, they could get it on.

In Tahitian culture, an lunar eclipse is considered sun/moon nooky, and therefore good luck.

And that's all I've got on the subject.

WAIT

There's a little more.

Not in the mood tonight? Repeat after me.

"Not tonight, honey. I have a lunar eclipse"

Use it now, kids. You can't use that again till 2010...

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

I AM NOT A CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST

Hello all. 

I had another article ready to run, all happy and fluffy about a lovely topic, but for the next 48 hours, I need to run the following piece:


I AM NOT A CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST
I AM NOT A CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST
I AM NOT A CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST
I AM NOT A CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST

In an article in today's KC Star, the reporter has me quoted as saying I'm a clinical psychologist, which I NEVER did, have, or will. 

I am a clinical SEXOLOGIST

I have said it a million times. 

It's all over my website.

It's in every article I've ever written or written about me.

And the KC Star will be printing something to that effect ASAP, I'm sure of it. 

I want to take this opportunity to apologize to the APA, and AASECT for the KC Star's oversight. I never claim to be what I'm not. 

Monday, February 18, 2008

We won an awaaaaaaaard! We won an awaaaaaaard!!


Actually, 15 awards. 
WINK's ad campaign was clever enough to be considered pretty tasty. Like, best in show tasty. You can read about it here. And in tomorrow's KC Star. 
I would like to thank my entire 2007 team, but I don't remember everyone's name, so I'll do what I can...
THANK YOU:
Sam
Claire
Courtney
Allison
Rhonda
Ky
Ron
Ron's entire team
All the models for the shoots
Kristian
The WINK staff

Let's see what happens in 2008!

Not walkin' in a Winter Wonderland...


So, here I am in the land of the always snowing...Minneapolis. Now being a cold weather person, i happen to love it. But today it is literally too cold to play outside, which is all we did yesterday. Now I'm just a visitor to the frozen tundra, but I wonder what the regulars do when it's too cold to go outside.

I had a theory...
Being the sexologist that I am, my mind wandered to sex. Ok, there was no wandering involved. It's just there permanently. Let's look inside the mind of a sexologist...

***Cobweb Clearing***

"Geez, it's cold outside! There's not a single person on the street!"

Stops to pet dog

"this really sux! I wanted to go tubing and skiing today!!!"

Stops to have heated discussion about what constitutes "too cold" to go sledding and skiing.

"Fine fine FINE! I'll just stay inside like the rest of Minneapolis."

big sigh

"I wonder what people DO do in Minneapolis if it's too cold to be outside. Are they all home having sex? Watching TV? Watching TV about people having sex? Hmmmmmmmmm."

Hops on the World Wide Web.


And this is what I found out. After rigorous (re: 10 websites) research (re:people's opinions), here's my conclusions. According to my sources, people THINK more sex is happening in the winter, based on their friends b-days. they just count backwards. Oh, and 1,000 women in England think about sex more in the winter than the summer. Oh, and the Pocket Mouse population of Arizona seems to get mad nookie in Winter and Spring. 

Hard evidence? HELL no! Room for discussion? Always. 

Do YOU have more sex in the winter? If not, what do you do with your snow days?  

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Spiderman is a chronic masturbator!!!




He's a web shooter. He shoots his web to get around, to stop bad guys, to make Christmas decorations...

You get the idea.

Color me impressed! Spiderman is the most public masturbator I have ever had the opportunity to be introduced to! PLUS, it combines my two faves...sex and comics! 

Ok, here's the deal...I was just tooling along, looking at some internet sites, and I saw this:


Others in the room immediately informed me of the, ahem, meaning behind the whole "web-slinging" phenomenon. And my world was changed forever. 

And they say comics have no relevant topics...

Friday, February 15, 2008

I FINALY am able to live up to my word!!!


Thanks to the Lazarus Group, a web design firm in Kansas City, I now am able to take anonymous questions and answer them!!! You have the option to add your e-mail (if you want me to get a hold of you for anything), but otherwise, it's all about your question!!!
YEAH!!!!!!
You can click on the link in the upper left corner, or just click HERE to start the ball a-rollin'!

I have some of the best friends!



So, I open my email this morning, and there's this e-mail from my editor. I click on what seems to be an innocuous furniture website, and boy howdy, was I surprised!

Now it's your turn!

Enjoy! I'm in Minneapolis for the weekend, and am ready to answer your questions. I plan on catching up ASAP!

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Happy Valentine's Day!

Just shot of Culver's (which is packed) to prove that what ever you're doing tonight, it doesn't have to cost a ton of money.

Couples who have been together for decades are sitting quietly enjoying burgers and each others space. Culver's is the most romantic thing I've seen in years.

Love is free, kids...


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Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Dream, dream dream dreeeeeeeeam!!!


Q: Ok, I have a question. I am 24 years old and have had 3 girlfriends, and whenever I have sex or masturbate I can't have an orgasm unless I'm imagining that another guy is having sex with my girlfriend. The problem is I don't WANT to be turned on by the thought of another guy having sex with the girl I'm seeing.

I want to be turned on by the idea (and act) of ME having sex with her. I have scoured the internet looking for ways to change/treat a fetish, but haven't really been able to find substantive information. Which is what led me to you.

What specific techniques/actions should I undertake to bring myself to a place where I'm turned on when it's just the girl and me?

A: Boy oh boy! Are YOU lucky that I'm back on the relationship wagon! And now that I am, I've got the answer for you. Yup. Right here in this envelope. In my front pocket.

HOWEVER

Before I give the envelope to my lovely spokesmodel...I'm gonna jump out on a limb.

What exactly is the problem again??
I mean, I understand the basic premise. You have an attachment to a specific fantasy, and it helps you orgasm. And until the point you allow yourself to thing about your girlfriend (in the Yiddish) schtooping another man. and, I assume, you'd be making her feel lovely the entire time up until that point. So, let me ask you a series of question?

Why do you feel bad about this? Is it because you think that you are "supposed" to be turned on by your partner? Do you have ANY idea how many women use fantasy to achieve orgasm? And how little it's about their partner? And how they couldn't give a flying fig? That's right, I said it. Fig.

What I'm trying to say, is that for many, many people, fantasy play IS the way that they achieve orgasm. You are not alone. You are not weird. This is totally normal. You're just the cool one that spoke up.

If that's not an acceptable answer, if you're looking for an actual "cure" for your fantasy world, it's going to take some form of therapy. It's going to take you working on breaking the cycle of fantasizing about your partner with other people. Which means you're gonna have to tell her. You will have to involve your partner in this process. It can range from very basic conversations and monitoring the situations, to more invasive aversion therapy. I am NOT a huge fan of aversion therapy, but you can find out more information on it here.

In your original e-mail, you also mentioned some more information about some additional issues that you have surrounding this particular fantasy. You should know that this may evolve into a full-blown reality. AND there's nothing wrong with that. AND (since I have no idea where you live) there are many, many communities that can help you look into it in a safe and supportive community. You see, you are not the only one. Not even close.

Holy crap! I'm going to be on the radio!

In, like, 10 minutes!

AAAAAAAAAAA
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Tuesday, February 12, 2008

The sexual Cobra, you never know when it's going to strike!

So, on my last day at IASHS, we talked a LOT about seeing clients in a clinical setting.

Did I mention I finally am okay with this concept?

SO, we talked a lot about issues that arise with already married couples who were not completely honest with either themselves or their partners (or both) when they made the commitment to be partnered in some form or another.

We were talking about the fact that no matter how much you try and supress an urge, a desire, or a fantasy, it will come up again.

Me, be the comedian of the class (smart alek tendencies run in my family) decided that this VERY common state of being will now be known as the Sexual Cobra. Because you never know when it's going to strike. It's just chilling, waving in the air as you try to lull it to sleep and WHAM! You better know how to suck some venom fast!

The point is, that we should really work on being healthy sexual people just as hard as we work on our SAT scores. And probably harder. It sure sticks around a lot longer than those evil, evil tests. And no one cares about what school you did or didn't go to if you can't get it up (proverbialy) without being spanked and have no outlet for that in your life.

I don't care if you're a Mensa member. And neither does your Sex Cobra.

The major problem with sex cobras? They live as long as you do. They live in your house, they go on vacation with you. And your cobras can breed baby cobras in your kids, if you're not careful!
Ok, I'm taking the goofy analogy too far, but who here can't say that their parents attitudes about sexuality didn't imprint on them in some way? And if you're a breeder, as many of us are or will be, do you want your kids to get the same load of goodies that you got?

So what are you going to do with your sex cobra?? Cause you gotta train that thing into a sex earthworm ASAP. Perhaps telling your partner, HELL, telling YOURSELF about whatever it is is the first step.

Go ahead. You have permission. And I won't even say another word about the snake again.

Except that I trademarked and copyrighted that sucker!
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Monday, February 11, 2008

Big ass mountains and pioneers! (and sex, of course)

And before people served warm cookies on planes (yeah Midwest!), people used to cross that stuff. In wood wagons.

I have a confession. I am a weather sissy. Yup, that's right. Hi, my name is Elizabeth and I am a climate control freak. I was freezing in SF, I shudder at KC summers, the spring makes me sneeze. So, that means that for 25% of the year, I'm not obsessed with the weather and to how to control my immediate space. It also means that I am pretty much screwed wherever I live. I need a room to be cold and have LOTS of blankets for sleeping. I have frozen many a person out of my home. (roommates, of course!)

Body temperature and sex drive seemed to be linked in the American lexicon. That guy is "hot". So-and-so's wife is "frigid". (generally reserved for women) we describe people in words generally reserved for the 10 PM weatherperson.

Our blood pressure rising doesn't raise our body temperature THAT much. And when a woman doesn't want sex, it generally has nothing to do with a change in the weather. (seasonal affective disorder notwithstanding)

So why are temperature and sex drive so linked?

And does that mean I'm some sort of temperature dominatrix?
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San Francisco illegally snapped!

I have a Blackberry. But I turned my signal off, I swear!
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Bye bye SF!

I am on the BART, headed for the airport for my return to KC! It has been an unbelievable trip! I have so much to process, and being to the blog and back to Kansas city. And just in time for Valentine's Day.

Total time in class: 90

Total bags packed to come out to SF: 2

Bags coming back with: 4.5

Certificites of course completion: 2

Papers to write: 3

Nights spent in Joani 8lank's guest bedroom: 1

New people met: upwards of 50

Knowing more about Sexology than I did before: priceless


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Sunday, February 10, 2008

Another thing about San Francisco.....

Where the street seperated from the curb during an earthquake. Yup, it's time to be back in Kansas City.....
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As seen in San Francisco....

I think that says it all!
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Another thing about San Francisco.....

Where the street seperated from the curb during an earthquake. Yup, it's time to be back in Kansas City.....
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Another thing about SF....

No one has a wedding ring! I ride the bus (yeah public transportation!!) and I have yet to see a single "every kiss begins with Kay" set! Now, I may just have been living in the Midwest too long, but are wedding rings out of fashion? I mean ALL ages of people and not a single one is giving the secret married handshake!

Is everyone divorced? Are they all ceramicists? Do they just want to pick up itenerant bus people?

So many questions!
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Another SF pretty moment!

It's pretty fricken georgeous today!
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As we pause for a pretty SF moment...

It's LOVELY out here today! Woohoo!


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Only in San Francisco....

I know you all are out there. Remember I am here as a resource too! I am a little behind (aka 3) with answering questions, but I'll catch up.

It's confidential, it's free and there are 10 other people who want to know the answer. And until my widget is up an running, you can email me @ ehadleyr@gmail.com. Your email erased upon answering. Pinky swear!
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Saturday, February 9, 2008

Rebecca Chalker! Is in my class!

She's the QUEEN of clitoral information.
She wrote the Clitoral Truth, A Woman's Book of Choices, Overcome Bladder Disorders, The Complete Cervical Cap Guide, and edited A New View of a Woman's Body!

She's been in the field for over 30 years, and she rocks! She's going to do a lecture on the the clit on Monday. I won't be here, but she's agreed to come to Kansas city to teach!

This place is magic!

This morning, child sexuality (Kansas city may not be ready for that). This afternoon, alternative lifestyles, AKA polyamory, BDSM couples, trans and lgbt families.

It,a gonna be a kick!
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Because the sexology classes aren't enough to screw with my head...

Last night I was invited to see Brainpeople, the new play by the guy who adapted the Motorcycle Diaries for film. Three women, each with their own issues (a paranoid schitzophrenic, a multiple personality disorder, and a woman with severe childhood issues) hey together to eat a meal. Did I mention they are strangers? Did I mention that the childhood issues one payed the other two 20,000 each to make it through the meal? Did I mention they were eating Tiger? Tiger that was the daughter of the tiger that killed the childhood issues parents?

Yeah, don't ask. It DID make an interesting point about muscle memory. AKA, do you ingest the memories of the meat that you eat? Do you know what your Chicken Nuggets know? Is that why we have people with multiple personalities? Are those people just more suceptible to those memories?

Just wondering....
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Friday, February 8, 2008

Only in San Francisco....

Not really, but it was a good shot
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And what do YOU want to be when you grow up??

Everyone say it with me now,

Erotilogical
Art
Appraisal

That is another actual profession, along with Sexology. (our school shirts for this trimester say "Yes, it's an actual degree")

And it's hot kids! All the big auction houses (sotheby's, Christie's) are starting to recognize the value of erotic art...and they have no one to appraise it!

I am in an all day course where we are learning the basics of appraisal, and they are taking us through several pieces, and shoqung is work from lots of people, including an artist known for drawing anthropormorphic mice and ducks. (not that I can say the man's name) the institute will be offering a certification course in art appraisal in the next trimester.

In case you are all sitting at home, surrounded by erotic art, think about this...

You could be "enjoying" your retirement BEFORE you retire!

I'm just saying....

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Thursday, February 7, 2008

Spelling isn't my strongest suit..

As I peruse the latest question answered, I notice that there are at least a half dozen grammatical errors. On my next class break, I will rectify this.
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Vibrator, vibrator: Who's found the vibrator!!!


**I had a much better picture. Smiling little girl holding a stuffed animal. It has been deemed too potentially disturbing****


Q: Dear Elizabeth...I LOVE my new vibrator! One problem though. I was downstairs cooking when my 6 year old daughter ran downstairs with it in her hand! She asked what it was, if she could play with it (it is pink and blue and lights up), and what this new toy was doing in my bedroom. HELP!



A: Alright, i give. After several hours sutudying here, I NOW understand that sex IS a huge component of relationships. SO, send your relationship question. I will no longer run away.

Now to the question...

Dear Breeder,

Congratulation! You have a very precocious and articulate child. As a breeder myself, I think that's a really good sign for later in life. Now, your particular breedling is also a girl, so what you do now is really important. So, let me put on my newly minted sexology hat and get to it!

It is VERY important that when children, no matter what age or situation, don't get negative messages about sex. Sexual development and curiosity occurs at ALL ages, just in ways that we are not used to looking at it as sexual. So, sex development in the average American teen may be more obvious, but many people can also remember stages of development very early on. A LOT of times, it's situations like this tht can stick with kids.

When your daughter asks about your vibrator, it's really important to know your kid. How much she can handle will depend on her unique ability to handle thing. Now, even the most savvy 6 year old won't be able to process all the levels of a vibrator, so my advice is to keep it simple. there's not reason to give her too much information and then watch her brain explode.

Something like this would be totally appropriate:

6 year old: "Mom, what's this?" *holds up vibrator*
Mom: "That's a vibrator."
6YO: "What is it?"
M: "I use it to make myself feel good."
6YO: "Like when you have a boo-boo?"
M: "Yes. when grown ups want to relax, they do all sorts of things. We eat broccoli, watch the news, drink wine or coffee, or sometimes use a vibrator. And someday, when you're grown up, you will have those options too!"
6YO: "I hate broccoli."

Children take their cues from how the parents react. If you're nervous and ashamed, they will think it's something bad. It you are mellow, they won't make a big deal about it either. and if you group it in with other things that they hate, they may not bring it up again. Oh, and be careful about how you look too when you are "outed". they will pick up facial cues too.

I hope this helps!!

After a lovely night at the citidel...

So, last night we went on a field trip to the Citidel...a BDSM club (kids, ask your parents about this one!) to learn about, well, all sorts of things.

anyone take chemistry? Good. This was a lab course. Participation strongly suggested.

So, being the overachievier that I am...I participated in many, many events.

There was water play (sybaris).
There was flogging.
There was needle play.
I saw several people play with lighting their backs on fire.
Cupping too!
I saw several types of suspension techniques.
People played with a violet wand(electricity)
And, of course, wax.

Now, the wax was a gimme, but I'll tell you this.

I tried at least 3 other items.

Any guesses??

I LOVE my coursework!

Ps. Tonight I took a yoga class instead of going to the tranny strip club. Even I need a break!
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Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Me and Carol Queen...

The clinical sexologist for Good Vibrations!
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Holy CRAP!

I just met and talk to Joni blank! She founded Good Vibrations! It's like meeting the president of a country I'd be proud to meet! I can't stop typing with exclamation points!
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Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Only in San Francisco...

I TOTALLY have a lot envy!
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So I went to this lovely Lesbian Superbowl party...

And I had a blast! It was the MOST obnoxious-ly loud group of superbowl watchers I have ever been around! I fit right in (yeah Giants!!)

I have spent the last several days learning about the history of pornography, the bisexual movement, the history of the San Francisco Sex Information hotline, and about sexuality of women with breast cancer. Fun stuff!

But I'm having a blast, I have met the most amazing group of sexologists (there are more out there. Not just me!!), and tonight I get to go to the Citidel!!

Look it up kids, it's a BDSM club. And it's mandatory.

What was the last mandatory thing you had to do in school? And how jealous are you??

Monday, February 4, 2008

Lunch at the institute for the advanced study of human sexuality

This morning, and overview of the institute. This afternoon, bisexuality!

Holy crap! It worked!

And will a photo work?? If it does, it will show the lovely building in san Francisco, even when I freeze my butt off!

I am trying to post from my blackberry

Let's see if it works!

I was trying ot set up my blog to do it remotely...


But the damn thing's smarter than me. If anyone know how to do this. let me know!

I may know sex, but I am blogging illiterate... I guess you CAN'T heve everything!

Overheard on the plane...

"I once heard that women fake orgasms, and men fake relationships. I was depressed for days..."
--the woman sitting next to me, once she had figured I wasn't talking to myself like a crazy person (bluetooth) and was a sexologist