Q: It is now tuesday. What are your thoughts on "friends with benefits" relationships?
A: I have no idea what you are talking about.
BUT
If I was, perhaps, acquainted with this concept (say from 1996-1999), I would say besides all the possible emotional landmines, STD chances, pregnancy scares, and emotional landmines (yes, I said it twice), it can be really fun. And I am all about consenting adults having fun.
HOWEVER
Humans are chemically built for a certain amount of pair bonding. It is REALLY, REALLY hard to not ultimately get emotional with persons you are doin' the horizontal mambo with. And the vertical mambo, if they know what they are doing. When a human has an orgasm, the chemicals released from the brain shoot from your Hypothalamous to your genitals at a rate of 250 MILES AN HOUR. It releases:
Oxytocin
Dopamine
Phenylethylamine (PEA)
Pheramones
Seratonin
Also known as:
Prescription painkillers
Heroin
Chocolate
Smelly socks
Prozac
So, if you think you can fight the innate chemistry of your body as can your friend, I say go for it. Otherwise, stay home, watch TV while shooting heroin on painkillers and wearing smelly socks. Follow with a chocolate chaser and a dash of antidepressants, and you've hit the Trifecta.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
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5 comments:
Do you know what an orgasm should feel like?
Where does one find such a (female) friend?
I must say I am a big fan of friends with benefits and have had three long term, fabulous experiences, HOWEVER, not everyone (male or female) is able to maintain this type of relationship. It takes open communication and a clear understanding of each partner's boundaries. My rules are that you don't have to date me, don't have to take me to dinner or a movie, etc. You don't have to call to tell me what you are doing that day, when you are visiting your parents, etc. You are allowed (encouraged) to call at midnight after you've been at the bar (at your mom's, at work, etc.) and I will call you too. BUT, I do require that you treat me with respect, I am not someone for you to "wham, bam, thank you ma'am", and I deserve to enjoy the experience as much as you do. You should be friends, hence "Friends with Benefits". The hardest one for people to understand is that I ask that you sleep with me and only me. Gasp! There are so many opportunities for STD's and I don't want them. If and when you want to sleep with someone else, just talk to me and vice versa. Back to having open communication. If you can talk about it openly and honestly, you can do it! That's not to say that I haven't cared deeply for my friends with benefits, because I have, but the physical part of our friendship was separate and was purely a biological release of the previously mentioned chemicals! (Yet cautious of the smelly socks reference!)
(please feel free to change how I have written this if you want to, per your previous article of not being a dating service. I tried to be vague but I am afraid I sound like a "want ad".)
Just so you know I am failing misserably at the friends with benefits program. As a married guy with a rocky relationship (not sleeping together) at best with two wonderful kids I felt I had a need to have a more intimate non-committed relationship with someone. This isn't the first one I have had as it kept me sexually satisfied for a number of years. The problem is that myself and another person have fallen in love with each other and this is literally tearing me apart inside. I suspect that my rocky relationship will end in the not to distant future however. This is a hell of a payback for what was supposed to be a one night encounter... My biggest challenge is the impact this might have on my kids... I believe they are old enough to handle it at 12 and 14... Anyway I'm not sure how things are going to progress... Just thought I would post my two cents worth.
For all of you who responded to this post, all i can say is that drugs are hard to stop once they start. Be careful, be honest, and good luck.
elizabeth
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