Friday, November 9, 2007

the question that makes me feel dirty all over...

Q: So, I have this guy I ‘ve been seeing seriously for a few months, and it’s been great, but this cute guy that I was hitting on months ago finally came around and asked for my number. I want to go on the date with him! It’s not that I’m interested in leaving my boyfriend, but I’m just so curious about this other guy! What should I do??

A: It's official. I'm the relationship expert at Cosmo. I'm not quite sure how that happened, but hey, Let's see if I can help.

First let me start by saying I am NOT a relationship expert. Nor do I have a degree in psychology. Nor do I have a desire to.

BUT, I can examine this question from a neuro-chemical perspective.

Let's break it down, sexologist-style. Awwwwww yeah.

*******Gendered answer approaching, proceed with caution***********
girl likes boy.
boy likes girl.

chemistry is a-boppin. things are strong. dopamine is kickin' stronger than heroin.

(see my other article on sexual chemistry)
A few months later, the chemistry that bonds us to each other for mating purposes wane a wee bit. Seratonin kicks up a notch, so we're not as obsessed with the boyfriend as we used to be. (could be a couple months, could be several years, depending on your chemical response to each other)
You start seeing other people.
And by seeing, I mean "oh, look there are other members of the opposite/same sex out there that are really hot.
Now this is where all those philosophers cross my path. We have free will. Free will dictates that you can stop yourself from random encounters with hot guys/girls behind your boy/girlfriends back.
And then, other bonding chemicals (like endorphins) kick in that have to do with attachment, instead of horniness.
SO the real question you need to ask yourself is am I looking for horniness, that initial rush of attraction over and over,

or are you looking to form a chemical attachment to another human being.

It's your call. That free will thing again.

I need to take a shower now...