when is a dildo not a dildo? When it's a dildo, of course!

Q: Where did the word dildo come from?? Why do we use it?

A: God, I LOVE the variety of questions I get! Thank you for making this the least boring job ever!
Let's get to it, shall we??

This is a dildo:
It's a peg that holds an oar on a small boat (dory)



So is this:
Making for some happy residents of Newfoundland...


And this:



They've been around since then:

(Just your average Paleolithic dildo)



And portrayed in art since this:
(those wacky Greeks)
And like the etymology of many words, it's now almost always this:

Or this:



Or even this:




Think of that! Regular, everyday words that we use could someday be turned into the vernacular for a sex toy!

Dare to dream!

Overheard at dinner....

"There are pink M&Ms for breast cancer. What color would obesity M&M's be?"
---A dear friend of mine, while we were holed up as a huge group at a tasty Italian joint on a cold winter night. there may have been wine involved...

Nookie not happenin? Stop stressing!!

Q: A friend of a friend of my neighbor's third cousin has a best friend that he rarely sees cuz he's a lame shut in who works too much.
Now he's afraid that she's gonna move to Minneapolis. What should I do? I mean him... what should he do?

A: Well, not being a relationship expert and all, I would have to say you're screwed. She's forgotten all about you and thinks Minneapolis ROCKS. But as far as i know, she has no intention of moving any time in the near future, so....

As a sexologist, I would have to dissect how all this wondering is affecting your sex life.

when you're stressed, several things happen to your body, and a LOT of them can affect your libido. That's right, all that stress can rid you of the warm fuzzies in your pants.




may I introduce you to our little friend, Cortisol.

Cortisol is a very important hormone made by your adrenal gland.
It helps you wake up in the morning.
It helps your blood move through the vessels.
It lowers your pain threshold
It tells you to get far, far away from the man in the mask with the chainsaw running at you RIGHT NOW!!!

Just Kidding.

BUT, if you're stressed for a long time, Cortisol can do a lot of craptacular things too.

It can keep you up at night.
It can make your bones weaker.
Catching a cold never seemed easier.
And that spare tire you're sportin' these days? that's no coincidence, babe.

SO, instead of stressing about your friend who is NOT moving to Minneapolis this week, this month, or this year, think about the beating your sex life is taking. Because being a fat, sick, tired, broken-boned fellow is seriously going to cut into your nookie time.

'Nuff said.

Back from the Twin Cities

And Boy do they ROCK!!

Not as much as Kansas City. Nope. Never. But pretty close.



And they have an IKEA!!!






Just a quick reminder that while I love you all, I am not a RELATIONSHIP expert. I can't help you with your relationship issues. But I CAN help with sex stuff. And I am more than willing to try.

SO

Relationship question, not so good.


SEX question, very VERY good.



I will be back on the blogging wagon as of later today. For as of right now, I must prepare to sully the minds of UMKC students. I will be guest lecturing in Harris Mirkin's Politics of Sex and Gender class from 2-3 today. You can find me there. Hopefully, they won't be afraid to ask either. But I don't think they will.