when is a dildo not a dildo? When it's a dildo, of course!

Q: Where did the word dildo come from?? Why do we use it?

A: God, I LOVE the variety of questions I get! Thank you for making this the least boring job ever!
Let's get to it, shall we??

This is a dildo:
It's a peg that holds an oar on a small boat (dory)



So is this:
Making for some happy residents of Newfoundland...


And this:



They've been around since then:

(Just your average Paleolithic dildo)



And portrayed in art since this:
(those wacky Greeks)
And like the etymology of many words, it's now almost always this:

Or this:



Or even this:




Think of that! Regular, everyday words that we use could someday be turned into the vernacular for a sex toy!

Dare to dream!

Overheard at dinner....

"There are pink M&Ms for breast cancer. What color would obesity M&M's be?"
---A dear friend of mine, while we were holed up as a huge group at a tasty Italian joint on a cold winter night. there may have been wine involved...

Nookie not happenin? Stop stressing!!

Q: A friend of a friend of my neighbor's third cousin has a best friend that he rarely sees cuz he's a lame shut in who works too much.
Now he's afraid that she's gonna move to Minneapolis. What should I do? I mean him... what should he do?

A: Well, not being a relationship expert and all, I would have to say you're screwed. She's forgotten all about you and thinks Minneapolis ROCKS. But as far as i know, she has no intention of moving any time in the near future, so....

As a sexologist, I would have to dissect how all this wondering is affecting your sex life.

when you're stressed, several things happen to your body, and a LOT of them can affect your libido. That's right, all that stress can rid you of the warm fuzzies in your pants.




may I introduce you to our little friend, Cortisol.

Cortisol is a very important hormone made by your adrenal gland.
It helps you wake up in the morning.
It helps your blood move through the vessels.
It lowers your pain threshold
It tells you to get far, far away from the man in the mask with the chainsaw running at you RIGHT NOW!!!

Just Kidding.

BUT, if you're stressed for a long time, Cortisol can do a lot of craptacular things too.

It can keep you up at night.
It can make your bones weaker.
Catching a cold never seemed easier.
And that spare tire you're sportin' these days? that's no coincidence, babe.

SO, instead of stressing about your friend who is NOT moving to Minneapolis this week, this month, or this year, think about the beating your sex life is taking. Because being a fat, sick, tired, broken-boned fellow is seriously going to cut into your nookie time.

'Nuff said.

Back from the Twin Cities

And Boy do they ROCK!!

Not as much as Kansas City. Nope. Never. But pretty close.



And they have an IKEA!!!






Just a quick reminder that while I love you all, I am not a RELATIONSHIP expert. I can't help you with your relationship issues. But I CAN help with sex stuff. And I am more than willing to try.

SO

Relationship question, not so good.


SEX question, very VERY good.



I will be back on the blogging wagon as of later today. For as of right now, I must prepare to sully the minds of UMKC students. I will be guest lecturing in Harris Mirkin's Politics of Sex and Gender class from 2-3 today. You can find me there. Hopefully, they won't be afraid to ask either. But I don't think they will.

Don't forget to bag your giblets!!!

Hello everyone and Happy Thanksgiving my American friends!! It has been quite an amazing couple of months, and I couldn't have done it without you all and your insatiable lust for information. And vibrators. And condoms. Well, you get the picture. To honor the holiday at hand, I have decided to hunt down a sexological urban myth, and fiound some surprising answers! So eat your turkey, unbutton your pants, and read away:

Q: I've heard that there are vegan condoms. What exactly is a vegan condom? Why are condoms not vegan?

A: Well, I have to admit that when I heard about vegan condoms, I had no idea what made these condoms special. Like the rest of the general non-vegan public, I hadn't thought about animal cruelty in my protective gear. Here I was, in my little latex bubble, thinking that as long as they weren't Lambskin (yes, they are lamb skin, it's not a clever name) they were vegan friendly. BUT NOOOOOOOOOO, how wrong I was!

Turns out latex condoms often are either

A. made by questionable manufacturers that may or may not use animal testing for their products (make me think of fluffy bunnies wearing Trojans)

B. Use casein (a milk-derivative) in the manufacture of the latex.

Only two condoms are actually approved by the Vegan Society are Condomi's and Glyde's. Of the two, vegan's of America are only entitled to Glyde's. Or so says the FDA.

SO, as you cut into your Tofurkey with tempeh drumsticks (yes, I have been to that meal. And it's GOOD!!!) with the one you love, know that afterwards, you can take your post Thanksgiving nookie to a animal-friendly level too. At least with one condom in the USA.

And for that, I truly give thanks.


Other article available here.

Dying of the plague...

Once again, I find myself sick. Just your run-0f-the-mill snot monster in my head.

HOWEVER

Did you know that sex boosts your immune system? AND can help with headaches??

Keep in mind, researchers are talking about full, healthy sexual relationships. this would include (at least in researchers minds) orgasms. That extra rush of blood, a good dose of sweat, and an orgasm could mobilize the immune system.

Like our own little sex G.I. Joe's!

BUT

Another study found that TOO much sex could weaken the immune system. It could also be symptomatic of an obsessive relationship.

That's other researchers, not me.

So let's wrap it up for today:

Sex: Good for colds and headaches
Orgasm: Like our own little Gen. George Casey (look it up, folks)
Too much sex: A figment of scientists imaginations. Or lucky people who need a vitamin supplement to boost their oversexed bodies.

So, as a good researcher, the question I must ask myself, is....

Am I having too much sex, or not enough??

It's my own little exi-sexu-al crisis!

the question that makes me feel dirty all over...

Q: So, I have this guy I ‘ve been seeing seriously for a few months, and it’s been great, but this cute guy that I was hitting on months ago finally came around and asked for my number. I want to go on the date with him! It’s not that I’m interested in leaving my boyfriend, but I’m just so curious about this other guy! What should I do??


A: It's official. I'm the relationship expert at Cosmo. I'm not quite sure how that happened, but hey, Let's see if I can help.

First let me start by saying I am NOT a relationship expert. Nor do I have a degree in psychology. Nor do I have a desire to.

BUT, I can examine this question from a neuro-chemical perspective.

Let's break it down, sexologist-style. Awwwwww yeah.

*******Gendered answer approaching, proceed with caution***********
girl likes boy.
boy likes girl.

chemistry is a-boppin. things are strong. dopamine is kickin' stronger than heroin.

(see my other article on sexual chemistry)
A few months later, the chemistry that bonds us to each other for mating purposes wane a wee bit. Seratonin kicks up a notch, so we're not as obsessed with the boyfriend as we used to be. (could be a couple months, could be several years, depending on your chemical response to each other)
You start seeing other people.
And by seeing, I mean "oh, look there are other members of the opposite/same sex out there that are really hot.
Now this is where all those philosophers cross my path. We have free will. Free will dictates that you can stop yourself from random encounters with hot guys/girls behind your boy/girlfriends back.
And then, other bonding chemicals (like endorphins) kick in that have to do with attachment, instead of horniness.
SO the real question you need to ask yourself is am I looking for horniness, that initial rush of attraction over and over,


or are you looking to form a chemical attachment to another human being.

It's your call. That free will thing again.

I need to take a shower now...

All hail the vagina puppet!!!

Read All About It!!

Someone has lost their mind enough to let me write for them.

like a column. In a paper.

Present Magazine has asked me to write a column about all things sexual and Kansas City. i have written 4 already, some KC, some not. But it allows me to make this blog question specific again, and my rants to go elsewhere.

SO, if there's something is KC that I need to address, something sexual, something that YOU want covered, let me know.

Don't every be afraid to ask.

I have been a bad, bad girl...

And i'm sure that I have the product to punish me in the store...

I have been neglecting my blog!

But for a good reason folks! WINK is now open, and I am busier than I expected. But keep your questions coming! I know I am WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY behind, but don't stop! I will be back and in full force. I promise.

Or I will dispatch myself with the closest flogger to me.

Until then, you can find me in WINK 6 days a week.

See all of you soon!