Can I get a merit badge in Dildo creation??

Q: So elizabeth, just what CAN you make dildos out of???

A. Oh, christ. this is gonna be a long'un. In the interest of time (and in honor of Dr. Seuss' b-day) we will make this list as a rhyme.

Strap in kids:

Dildo, Dildo can I make?
Out of clay I want to bake?
Can I make my next toy?
For myself, my girl or boy?

Dildo dildo can I make? Can I make it out of cake?
No, no cake! Cake is wrong,
And would have you singing a sad, sad song!
Cake has sugar and lots of bread
And a yeast infection is on the road ahead!

In fact…

food is tasty food is good
But a dildo NEVER should
Include snacks for dinner, snacks for lunch…
Just about anything you might munch!

But homemade dildos can be fun,
Not just for you, but everyone!
Dildos made of smooth, smooth stone,
Will make you happy
(maybe moan)

dildos can be made of wood,
beware of splinters!
That ain’t good!
But as long as wood is sealed,
That smooth surface might make you reel!

Dildos can be made of warm and fuzzy things
Just be careful of loose strings
and tie up any loose ends
losing stuff in an orifice is not your friend.

So have some fun! Be creative!
Just try to follow this advice
Be prudent, bacteria free
And imagine what feels nice!

when is a dildo not a dildo? When it's a dildo, of course!

Q: Where did the word dildo come from?? Why do we use it?

A: God, I LOVE the variety of questions I get! Thank you for making this the least boring job ever!
Let's get to it, shall we??

This is a dildo:
It's a peg that holds an oar on a small boat (dory)



So is this:
Making for some happy residents of Newfoundland...


And this:



They've been around since then:

(Just your average Paleolithic dildo)



And portrayed in art since this:
(those wacky Greeks)
And like the etymology of many words, it's now almost always this:

Or this:



Or even this:




Think of that! Regular, everyday words that we use could someday be turned into the vernacular for a sex toy!

Dare to dream!

When is a dildo not a dildo?

Q: What is the difference between dildos and vibrators??

A: Ah, young grasshopper, you have much to learn. And boy howdy, have you come to the right place!!



This is a dildo:
This model, known as the "Randy Purple" is a classic dildo. Notice it's girth. Notice it's fairly stagnant nature. It's pretty straightforward. Grasp firmly, insert in appropriate hole, pull out.
Repeat.
Repeat.
Repeat.
REPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAT!!!




Now, this is a vibrator:

Looks a little like our friend Randy, but has the difference of a small motor inside the base, which makes the whole thing buzz.

Now let's make your geometry teacher happy, shall we?




This is a Ven Diagram:

Let's say the right circle is vibrators, and the left side is dildos. Sometimes, a vibrator can be dildo shaped, but sometimes it's not.




Sometimes it looks like this:




Or this:


and PLEASE don't try and stick this up in ya:

So kids. Here's what we've learned.
1. Sometimes a dildo is just a dildo.
2. Sometimes it can be a vibrator as well.
3. But sometimes a vibrator is NOT dildo-shaped.
4. Geometry IS helpful!!!
5. Your geometry teacher would faint right now if they knew what you were doing.

This week is catch up on questions. So look for lots of updates!!!!