Dream, dream dream dreeeeeeeeam!!!

Q: Ok, I have a question. I am 24 years old and have had 3 girlfriends, and whenever I have sex or masturbate I can't have an orgasm unless I'm imagining that another guy is having sex with my girlfriend. The problem is I don't WANT to be turned on by the thought of another guy having sex with the girl I'm seeing.

I want to be turned on by the idea (and act) of ME having sex with her. I have scoured the internet looking for ways to change/treat a fetish, but haven't really been able to find substantive information. Which is what led me to you.

What specific techniques/actions should I undertake to bring myself to a place where I'm turned on when it's just the girl and me?

A: Boy oh boy! Are YOU lucky that I'm back on the relationship wagon! And now that I am, I've got the answer for you. Yup. Right here in this envelope. In my front pocket.

HOWEVER

Before I give the envelope to my lovely spokesmodel...I'm gonna jump out on a limb.

What exactly is the problem again??
I mean, I understand the basic premise. You have an attachment to a specific fantasy, and it helps you orgasm. And until the point you allow yourself to thing about your girlfriend (in the Yiddish) schtooping another man. and, I assume, you'd be making her feel lovely the entire time up until that point. So, let me ask you a series of question?

Why do you feel bad about this? Is it because you think that you are "supposed" to be turned on by your partner? Do you have ANY idea how many women use fantasy to achieve orgasm? And how little it's about their partner? And how they couldn't give a flying fig? That's right, I said it. Fig.

What I'm trying to say, is that for many, many people, fantasy play IS the way that they achieve orgasm. You are not alone. You are not weird. This is totally normal. You're just the cool one that spoke up.

If that's not an acceptable answer, if you're looking for an actual "cure" for your fantasy world, it's going to take some form of therapy. It's going to take you working on breaking the cycle of fantasizing about your partner with other people. Which means you're gonna have to tell her. You will have to involve your partner in this process. It can range from very basic conversations and monitoring the situations, to more invasive aversion therapy. I am NOT a huge fan of aversion therapy, but you can find out more information on it here.

In your original e-mail, you also mentioned some more information about some additional issues that you have surrounding this particular fantasy. You should know that this may evolve into a full-blown reality. AND there's nothing wrong with that. AND (since I have no idea where you live) there are many, many communities that can help you look into it in a safe and supportive community. You see, you are not the only one. Not even close.

Lights....camera....PORNO!!!!!

Q: My partner and I want to make amateur porn, maybe even send it out on the Internet. I had a friend that did it and made 20.00 for a 20 minute video! What do you think???

A: Holy Paris Hilton, Batman!!! Well, as long as you're not a senator with a presidential future, here goes....
*******I am assuming that this is a legal, of-age person. Otherwise....how dare you? People don't think about sex until their 18!! Or so I've been told...************

1. first thing is first. Is this a fantasy that both of you are into? Are you both of legal age? No one wants trouble for what should have been a fun act. Video always leaves a trail. Remember that. Your pervy grade-school chum WILL find you. Trust me, little Petey is now a grown-up perv.

2. After talking to a few failed film majors (like myself), I found out that LIGHTING is EVERYTHING!!! As any woman will tell you, florescent lights are the tool of the devil. So dim 'em, a regular side table light isn't enough. So get creative with the lighting and your camera. do it in advance of feeling hot and frisky, so it doesn't slow you down.

3. For your first foray into the wide wonderful world of porn, stick with someone you know and trust. Remember, you're ostensibly making it for your enjoyment later with them. Do NOT bring in any outsiders. It WILL backfire!!!

4. Is everyone tested for everything under the sun? I mean STI's, not the common cold. Nothing will make your piece of tape bittersweet like a trip down memory lane that make you remember your first bout of Chlamydia.

5. I do not recommend you ever sell your tapes to any websites. All fantasy play is about control. And that's how you lose control. You don't know these people, you don't know what they will do, where you will go. Feeling safe and comfortable is to fantasy like peanut butter is to jelly. Good separate, but great together.

6. Make 2 copies. If the two people involved break up, there must be a pact to destroy both tapes. If one person is being a bastard, the other has a wee bit of leverage. Not that I'm that type of person, but...

7. Now go play! there are so many ways you can have fun with this.