Not afraid to ask...

I'm IN

2008-05-28T17:39:00.000-05:00

I am now the official research fellow for Minnesota 2020!

Which means I can stop stressing and start unpacking!

I am SO excited!

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Elizabeth on KKFI, the sequel!!

2008-05-02T20:31:00.003-05:00

Hey kids...

Been wondering where I've been all your lives?

Or, at least for the last 2 months?

Join me at 1:30 pm TOMORROW on KKFI.

That's 90.1 to you on the dial.

We've got stories, we've got questions to answer...

And you all HAVE to meet Summer Terhune.

See you all there!

Almost done!

2008-05-01T21:41:00.000-05:00

I am trapped in a box, about to be up and out of here! For those of you who don't know what's going on, I am relocating, and currently live in a house without internet access. It's practically the dark ages! And to save my thumbs, I have tried to not do THIS too much.

But as of this weekend, that's all over.

Minneapolis.

Internet access.

The whole kaboodle!

But WINK lives on. Starting next week, the store is open with regular hours, smart staff, and prodigious product!

WINK found some fairy godparents, and I still get to be the sexologist! I will be back every 8 weeks for workshops, to host parties, and be around.

I will also be on KKFI on occasion

Like this Saturday @ 130 PM. 90.1 baby...

SO, it's all happening.

It's all good.

And no one can live without the internet anymore for more thana week!

See you all on the other side!
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I'm ALIVE!

2008-04-20T23:24:00.000-05:00

And too busy to think straight!

Or bi.

Kids, don't get a Phd. Ever. It's the level of hell Dante forgot to warn us about.

I'm backlogged about a million questions, so a lovely friend of mine got me a video camera that downloads right to the blog.

Interactive AND informative! As soon as I can start thinking for myself and stop citing sources for material, i'm on it.

And by it I mean this blog.

Apologies all around.
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All good hospital vacations must come to an end!

2008-03-31T21:01:00.002-05:00

remember kids,

Colds are sometimes colds.

Colds are sometimes flus.

Flu's may end you up in the hospital on fluids if you're not careful.

Don't ever underestimate the power of a common cold.

Back to work tomorrow afternoon!

Spring break be gone!

2008-03-24T08:03:00.002-05:00

That's right folks!

Shawnee Mission Schools Spring Break is over, which means my family hat comes off, and back to the sex salt mines i go! Which means

Back to that daily blogging
New store hours (call before you come, so we can help you come!)
My schoolwork resumes (Yeeeeehaw!)
And I finally can get to that backlog of questions that has been piling up in my account!!!

SO, I will see everyone here, for the daily fun starting....

wait for it....

NOW!

Thanks for ALL the support. I am overwhelmed at how warmly and widely received I have been throughout the metro.

You all rock!

Elizabeth on Mark Manning's Mid-day Medley TODAY!!

2008-03-19T09:18:00.000-05:00

10:30 am

Fertility Rites and Spring!

Eliot Spitzer and paying for it!

All this and much much more on 90.1, KKFI TODAY at 10:30!

What do YOU want to do to the Irish??

2008-03-17T09:16:00.008-05:00

Q: In honor of St. Patrick's day... What's the origin of the whole "Kiss me I'm Irish" thing?

A: It's a pretty simple answer, really.

This is the Blarney Stone:

If you kiss it, it's supposed to bring you luck. And if you can't get to the blarney stone, an Irish person is supposedly the next best thing

this is a (my imaginary) person that works at Blarney castle:

Supposedly, they pee on the stone before the tourists arrive as a joke.

this is urolagnia:

It's when people like to pee, or be peed on, or consume pee for non-medical reasons. And yes, there are people who like to drink pee for theraputic purposes.

Now, of course how you celebrate today is up to YOU, but always remember sometimes an Irish person is just an Irish person. And sometimes a stone covered in pee is a fetishists dream come true.

HAPPY St. PATRICK'S DAY!!!

Questions, questions...YOU have the questions!!!

2008-03-15T09:22:00.002-05:00

Wow. In the past 24 hours I have recieved dozens of questions. And I will get to work on them this afternoon.

Don't worry, answers are a-comin'!

Welcome, Kansas City Star Readers!!!

2008-03-14T22:57:00.002-05:00

Hello one and all!

Welcome to my weblog.

in the upper left-hand corner, you'll notice a place where you can ask many a question anonymously.

And here is where I will answer them publicly.

Don't worry, you're safe here.

It's what I do.

And if you want more, I'll be on KKFI 90.1 this Wednesday at 10:30 with Mark Manning to discuss sex and spring. You can find my whole schedule on the Wink calendar.

Never be afraid to ask.

Can I get a merit badge in Dildo creation??

2008-03-14T12:26:00.000-05:00

Q: So elizabeth, just what CAN you make dildos out of???

A. Oh, christ. this is gonna be a long'un. In the interest of time (and in honor of Dr. Seuss' b-day) we will make this list as a rhyme.

Strap in kids:

Dildo, Dildo can I make?
Out of clay I want to bake?
Can I make my next toy?
For myself, my girl or boy?

Dildo dildo can I make? Can I make it out of cake?
No, no cake! Cake is wrong,
And would have you singing a sad, sad song!
Cake has sugar and lots of bread
And a yeast infection is on the road ahead!

In fact…

food is tasty food is good
But a dildo NEVER should
Include snacks for dinner, snacks for lunch…
Just about anything you might munch!

But homemade dildos can be fun,
Not just for you, but everyone!
Dildos made of smooth, smooth stone,
Will make you happy
(maybe moan)

dildos can be made of wood,
beware of splinters!
That ain’t good!
But as long as wood is sealed,
That smooth surface might make you reel!

Dildos can be made of warm and fuzzy things
Just be careful of loose strings
and tie up any loose ends
losing stuff in an orifice is not your friend.

So have some fun! Be creative!
Just try to follow this advice
Be prudent, bacteria free
And imagine what feels nice!

Ever get a giggle fit?

2008-03-13T23:14:00.000-05:00

This was my latest.

Text: Irish you happy holidays

Guess you had to be there.

I am still out here and researching my buns off! My next question was a doozy about harnesses!

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I swear Mom! I was just reading the paper!!

2008-03-13T20:41:00.000-05:00

So, it turns out my mom reads this blog.

Everyone say hi!

Oh, and she also got me a subscription to the Sunday New York Times. I have a minor addiction to 6.50 papers where the crossword takes me a week to figure out. I suppose it's better than crack...

And here I was, just reading through the New York Times Magazine from a few weeks ago(I'm a little behind), and what do I see????
An article on poly-lifestyles

Ok, not a whole article, but there it was, in the freaking New York Times Sunday Magazine, the one with little kids jumping up and down on the cover.

A little tidbit about the current president of France, Nicolas Sarkozy,

his super-hot wife Carla Bruni,

and her little comment about monagamy, polyandry, poligamy, and polygny. They forgot polyamory, but we'll forgive them.

Let's define some terms...

Monagamy= 1 person committed to another person, regardless of gender

Polygamy= A man OR woman who marries more than one man or woman (depending on the country...)

Polyandry= the one up above
(One woman, many men)

Polygyny= the one over there (one man,
many women)

Polyamory=Means many loves. You love more than one person, or your group consists of many people in love.

And all this can be learned in the NYT on a Sunday between 29 across and 3 down!

Explain to me this.....

2008-03-09T21:41:00.000-05:00

Bad grammer is my speciality....

Why are ALL books in the sex area got pink? Last time *I* checked, my clit wasn't magenta....

Just sayin.....
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SEE??!! It's NOT the length that counts!!

2008-03-05T20:52:00.002-06:00

Short Sex is best, researchers say...

in Australia.

Read all about it here!

At the store with no internet access!!

2008-03-01T14:39:00.001-06:00

ARGH! Back to remote blogging for today. I am gonna keep this short and sweet for now, and when I get to a place with internet access, I will hotlink these words.

This weekend will be a little insane, plus I'm researching the MOST interesting question for later this weekend. So until I can get away and back to the land of the connected, here's what I've got:

KC magazine is having their big "best of" nominations, and WINK's decided to run in the best boutique category! I think it would make quite the statement to even get the nomination, and show Kansas City for the awesomely sex-positive place it is!

WINK gets nothing except a plaque on the wall, and our undying appreciation!

You can vote HERE.

2. I've confirmed 4 more dates on Mark Manning's amazing radio show! (I will hotlink when I get home) Make sure to listen for the following shows,

March 19-spring is in the air! Sex and spring(you can call in!)

April 2-songs that changed my life. A collaborative project, and I am one of many who will contribut MY song and the story behind it.

April 5- KKFI funddrive! I'll be on there talking about money, sex and power!

AND

Drumroll please....

May 3-WINK and Mark Manning Present:The Tenth Voice- Not Afraid to Ask, the radio show! So save you're hardest questions to call in may 3rd!

So, I hope you all are out enjoying the weather, and if not, drop on by and see Katie and me @ Wink today till 9!

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A vibrating cock-a-doodle DON'T!

2008-02-27T21:30:00.003-06:00

You know them. i know you love them, because I can't keep them in stock. Our friend the vibrating cock ring is a big hit in the KC Metro Area.

Now, you can go to any drugstore and grab a vibrating cock ring. Trojan makes the Elexa, a very discreet ring that hangs with the condoms.

Doesn't make a whole crap ton of sense that I would tell you that, right?

Well, There's a lovely little article as to why the Trojan Elexa isn't worth the 12.00 price tag it's attached to, and why the Magic Ring (above) IS.

Trojan and their 20 minute sex window? Not thinking much about their clientele's, ahem, longevity in the bedroom.

But don't take my word for it. See whta the writer from the NY Observer has to say...

Hotlinking just ain't what it used to be...

2008-02-26T17:35:00.005-06:00

**********If Brevity is the source of Wit, Humility is the source of Blogs...*******************

So,

Post posting the poly-happy post below, I recieved a comment from a really lovely fellow informing me that I am "hotlinking" to his website with my images.

Hotlinking, aka, using up his bandwidth.

Bandwidth, aks, the stuff that makes everything run smoothly.

Now, as a sexologist, I may be able to decipher hotlinking, but I think i'd be wrong.

So I called the fellow who posted the comment and prostrated myself.

In exchange for having a total stranger call him out of the blue (proving once again that the internet haas entirely too much information available) he told me how to not hotlink anymore.

Thank you fellows at Portigal Consulting.

I hope you don't mind that I linked now.

And Steve, I owe you a cup of coffee when I get back to SF in June.

Roo-rific!!!

2008-02-24T22:58:00.004-06:00

Thank you SO much residents of Oak Hall at UMKC!!!! Sex night at the Residential Hall was WAY TOO MUCH FUN!!!

I went over to UMKC to talk about sex toys and sexual pleasure as part of the monthly Sex Talk series! And boy, that room was packed! We had a blast. First, the resident health educator talked about the services available at UMKC, and then they turned the floor over to me.

I was still attaching these to a table:

But then it was my turn to talk. And boy, those UMKC students kept me on my toes! We talked about vibrators, sex, anal play, lube, polyamory, kegel exercises, monagamy, BDSM, and just about everything under the sun!

And then they gave me a sweatshirt!

I'm gonna wear it all week at the store. I am that proud of being a Roo!

Monaga-maybe???

2008-02-23T15:43:00.004-06:00

Q: I'm a woman in my early twenties, and have had two serious, long term relationships (don't worry, this is actually a sex question). About a year into each of these relationships, I found my sex drive drastically declining (no, neither time did I go on or off any medication). Sex morphed into an obligation, rather than a loving or fun act. I also found myself, both times, itching for sex outside of the relationship, though I never pursued it. Is this a common occurrence in women, or am I such a closeted swinger that I didn't even know it myself?

A: Ah, sex and relationships. the bread and butter of the Sexology industry. Don't worry, ma'am, I'm here to help on both fronts.

Sex in relationships is a lot like sex outside of relationships. It's really hot for a while, you can't get enough of the other person, and then WHAM you see her pick her nose, or you see the skid marks on his shorts, and the veneer is...less shiny.

What you are experiences is the very normal experience of seeing the skid marks. the drive declines when we start tp see the other person as an, um, PERSON, instead of the oh-my-god!-he's-amazing-and-sooooo-funny-and-what-an-amazing-lay-and-I-can't-wait-to-have-his-babies-! - person.

Not to say that you're doing that, but the very natural drop off in chemicals that you are experiencing can happen anywhere from 6 months to 18 months. Then things will hit a groove, and the person starts to look attractive again for a couple of years, and then around the 3-5 year mark, BAM, there it goes again.

Human sex drive is a pesky thing. It comes and goes for no reason. And if we have other issues that have plagued us (not that you said you did) such as intimacy, trust, or baggage from previous relationships, it can seen like it never ends.

What;s AWESOME about your e-mail is that you see a pattern. Seeing a pattern means you can break a pattern. You can anticipate a pattern. You know that (like many humans) you have a point where the sex drive becomes more of a sex neutral. And that at that point, a new car looks interesting. You also know that chemical rush you get at the beginning does go in ANY relationship. And it would with any car you got behind the wheel of.

HOWEVER, you may also be a lovely breed of human known as non-monogamous. Lots of different labels that essentially mean is that whole you don't fit into the classic monogamous mold that has been shoved down our throats our entire lives. And there are a TON of people that fall into those categories as well. Look up being in the lifestyle for more information.

All in all, don't worry about these issues. the ebb and flow of desire is normal. It's a regular thing even for die-hard monogamists. Which you might not be.

My song of choice tonight?

2008-02-22T22:49:00.000-06:00

Girl, don't go away mad-Motley Crue of course!
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Raccoons live in the sewer!

2008-02-22T22:31:00.001-06:00

So, I'm driving home from dinner with loved ones, and got really caught up in a song. You know, whens song is just SO appropriate that you pass your house and keep driving to sing and look like an ass in your car a little longer?

Yeah, I did that.

And I'm gonna continue after I send this.

ANYWAYS, I was driving, singing along, and what do I see? A tiny fuzzy raccoon head popping out of a sewer grate!

It has nothing to do with sex, but it was so odd to me I had to take a picture and share it with the world.

Tiny glowing spot in the sewer=my fuzzy friend.

Have a lovely Friday everyone! I am @ the store from 12-9 tomorrow. Stop by and say hi!
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In which I learn to use my computer...

2008-02-21T21:13:00.000-06:00

So, I have finally loaded my radio interview on my website. You can listen to it here!

Oh, and they invited me back on for March, and you can all call in with questions or criticisms. I promise not to bite.

Yeah, that joke's too easy. I'm leaving it alone. ALONE, I say!

Full moon fever???

2008-02-20T20:17:00.003-06:00

Ok, I had this great idea about how I would do an article about all the lunar eclipse/sex stuff out there. How the eclipse make people RAAAAAAAAAANDY, baby! How they're doin' it left and right, up and down.

What did I find?

That I was thinking about the full moon, not a lunar eclipse...

Duh, Elizabeth, duh.

Turns out, that MOST cultures view the lunar eclipse as a bad, BAD omen.

Bad nooky mojo.

In India, couples won't touch each other during an eclipse. It's considered such bad luck that they stay in seperate rooms.

Now, if they'd just jump a qick flight and head to Tahiti, they could get it on.

In Tahitian culture, an lunar eclipse is considered sun/moon nooky, and therefore good luck.

And that's all I've got on the subject.

WAIT

There's a little more.

Not in the mood tonight? Repeat after me.

"Not tonight, honey. I have a lunar eclipse"

Use it now, kids. You can't use that again till 2010...

I AM NOT A CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST

2008-02-19T07:32:00.003-06:00

Hello all.

I had another article ready to run, all happy and fluffy about a lovely topic, but for the next 48 hours, I need to run the following piece:

I AM NOT A CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST

In an article in today's KC Star, the reporter has me quoted as saying I'm a clinical psychologist, which I NEVER did, have, or will.

I am a clinical SEXOLOGIST

I have said it a million times.

It's all over my website.

It's in every article I've ever written or written about me.

And the KC Star will be printing something to that effect ASAP, I'm sure of it.

I want to take this opportunity to apologize to the APA, and AASECT for the KC Star's oversight. I never claim to be what I'm not.

We won an awaaaaaaaard! We won an awaaaaaaard!!

2008-02-18T20:48:00.002-06:00

Actually, 15 awards.

WINK's ad campaign was clever enough to be considered pretty tasty. Like, best in show tasty. You can read about it here. And in tomorrow's KC Star.

I would like to thank my entire 2007 team, but I don't remember everyone's name, so I'll do what I can...

THANK YOU:

Sam

Claire

Courtney

Allison

Rhonda

Ron

Ron's entire team

All the models for the shoots

Kristian

The WINK staff

Let's see what happens in 2008!

Not walkin' in a Winter Wonderland...

2008-02-18T09:57:00.002-06:00

So, here I am in the land of the always snowing...Minneapolis. Now being a cold weather person, i happen to love it. But today it is literally too cold to play outside, which is all we did yesterday. Now I'm just a visitor to the frozen tundra, but I wonder what the regulars do when it's too cold to go outside.

I had a theory...

Being the sexologist that I am, my mind wandered to sex. Ok, there was no wandering involved. It's just there permanently. Let's look inside the mind of a sexologist...

***Cobweb Clearing***

"Geez, it's cold outside! There's not a single person on the street!"

Stops to pet dog

"this really sux! I wanted to go tubing and skiing today!!!"

Stops to have heated discussion about what constitutes "too cold" to go sledding and skiing.

"Fine fine FINE! I'll just stay inside like the rest of Minneapolis."

big sigh

"I wonder what people DO do in Minneapolis if it's too cold to be outside. Are they all home having sex? Watching TV? Watching TV about people having sex? Hmmmmmmmmm."

Hops on the World Wide Web.

And this is what I found out. After rigorous (re: 10 websites) research (re:people's opinions), here's my conclusions. According to my sources, people THINK more sex is happening in the winter, based on their friends b-days. they just count backwards. Oh, and 1,000 women in England think about sex more in the winter than the summer. Oh, and the Pocket Mouse population of Arizona seems to get mad nookie in Winter and Spring.

Hard evidence? HELL no! Room for discussion? Always.

Do YOU have more sex in the winter? If not, what do you do with your snow days?

Spiderman is a chronic masturbator!!!

2008-02-17T20:42:00.003-06:00

He's a web shooter. He shoots his web to get around, to stop bad guys, to make Christmas decorations...

You get the idea.

Color me impressed! Spiderman is the most public masturbator I have ever had the opportunity to be introduced to! PLUS, it combines my two faves...sex and comics!

Ok, here's the deal...I was just tooling along, looking at some internet sites, and I saw this:

Others in the room immediately informed me of the, ahem, meaning behind the whole "web-slinging" phenomenon. And my world was changed forever.

And they say comics have no relevant topics...

I FINALY am able to live up to my word!!!

2008-02-15T20:00:00.003-06:00

Thanks to the Lazarus Group, a web design firm in Kansas City, I now am able to take anonymous questions and answer them!!! You have the option to add your e-mail (if you want me to get a hold of you for anything), but otherwise, it's all about your question!!!

YEAH!!!!!!

You can click on the link in the upper left corner, or just click HERE to start the ball a-rollin'!

I have some of the best friends!

2008-02-15T10:38:00.002-06:00

So, I open my email this morning, and there's this e-mail from my editor. I click on what seems to be an innocuous furniture website, and boy howdy, was I surprised!

Now it's your turn!

Enjoy! I'm in Minneapolis for the weekend, and am ready to answer your questions. I plan on catching up ASAP!

Happy Valentine's Day!

2008-02-14T18:27:00.001-06:00

Just shot of Culver's (which is packed) to prove that what ever you're doing tonight, it doesn't have to cost a ton of money.

Couples who have been together for decades are sitting quietly enjoying burgers and each others space. Culver's is the most romantic thing I've seen in years.

Love is free, kids...

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Dream, dream dream dreeeeeeeeam!!!

2008-02-13T21:21:00.001-06:00

Q: Ok, I have a question. I am 24 years old and have had 3 girlfriends, and whenever I have sex or masturbate I can't have an orgasm unless I'm imagining that another guy is having sex with my girlfriend. The problem is I don't WANT to be turned on by the thought of another guy having sex with the girl I'm seeing.

I want to be turned on by the idea (and act) of ME having sex with her. I have scoured the internet looking for ways to change/treat a fetish, but haven't really been able to find substantive information. Which is what led me to you.

What specific techniques/actions should I undertake to bring myself to a place where I'm turned on when it's just the girl and me?

A: Boy oh boy! Are YOU lucky that I'm back on the relationship wagon! And now that I am, I've got the answer for you. Yup. Right here in this envelope. In my front pocket.

HOWEVER

Before I give the envelope to my lovely spokesmodel...I'm gonna jump out on a limb.

What exactly is the problem again??
I mean, I understand the basic premise. You have an attachment to a specific fantasy, and it helps you orgasm. And until the point you allow yourself to thing about your girlfriend (in the Yiddish) schtooping another man. and, I assume, you'd be making her feel lovely the entire time up until that point. So, let me ask you a series of question?

Why do you feel bad about this? Is it because you think that you are "supposed" to be turned on by your partner? Do you have ANY idea how many women use fantasy to achieve orgasm? And how little it's about their partner? And how they couldn't give a flying fig? That's right, I said it. Fig.

What I'm trying to say, is that for many, many people, fantasy play IS the way that they achieve orgasm. You are not alone. You are not weird. This is totally normal. You're just the cool one that spoke up.

If that's not an acceptable answer, if you're looking for an actual "cure" for your fantasy world, it's going to take some form of therapy. It's going to take you working on breaking the cycle of fantasizing about your partner with other people. Which means you're gonna have to tell her. You will have to involve your partner in this process. It can range from very basic conversations and monitoring the situations, to more invasive aversion therapy. I am NOT a huge fan of aversion therapy, but you can find out more information on it here.

In your original e-mail, you also mentioned some more information about some additional issues that you have surrounding this particular fantasy. You should know that this may evolve into a full-blown reality. AND there's nothing wrong with that. AND (since I have no idea where you live) there are many, many communities that can help you look into it in a safe and supportive community. You see, you are not the only one. Not even close.

Holy crap! I'm going to be on the radio!

2008-02-13T10:16:00.000-06:00

In, like, 10 minutes!

AAAAAAAAAAA
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The sexual Cobra, you never know when it's going to strike!

2008-02-12T19:10:00.000-06:00

So, on my last day at IASHS, we talked a LOT about seeing clients in a clinical setting.

Did I mention I finally am okay with this concept?

SO, we talked a lot about issues that arise with already married couples who were not completely honest with either themselves or their partners (or both) when they made the commitment to be partnered in some form or another.

We were talking about the fact that no matter how much you try and supress an urge, a desire, or a fantasy, it will come up again.

Me, be the comedian of the class (smart alek tendencies run in my family) decided that this VERY common state of being will now be known as the Sexual Cobra. Because you never know when it's going to strike. It's just chilling, waving in the air as you try to lull it to sleep and WHAM! You better know how to suck some venom fast!

The point is, that we should really work on being healthy sexual people just as hard as we work on our SAT scores. And probably harder. It sure sticks around a lot longer than those evil, evil tests. And no one cares about what school you did or didn't go to if you can't get it up (proverbialy) without being spanked and have no outlet for that in your life.

I don't care if you're a Mensa member. And neither does your Sex Cobra.

The major problem with sex cobras? They live as long as you do. They live in your house, they go on vacation with you. And your cobras can breed baby cobras in your kids, if you're not careful!
Ok, I'm taking the goofy analogy too far, but who here can't say that their parents attitudes about sexuality didn't imprint on them in some way? And if you're a breeder, as many of us are or will be, do you want your kids to get the same load of goodies that you got?

So what are you going to do with your sex cobra?? Cause you gotta train that thing into a sex earthworm ASAP. Perhaps telling your partner, HELL, telling YOURSELF about whatever it is is the first step.

Go ahead. You have permission. And I won't even say another word about the snake again.

Except that I trademarked and copyrighted that sucker!
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Big ass mountains and pioneers! (and sex, of course)

2008-02-11T22:21:00.000-06:00

And before people served warm cookies on planes (yeah Midwest!), people used to cross that stuff. In wood wagons.

I have a confession. I am a weather sissy. Yup, that's right. Hi, my name is Elizabeth and I am a climate control freak. I was freezing in SF, I shudder at KC summers, the spring makes me sneeze. So, that means that for 25% of the year, I'm not obsessed with the weather and to how to control my immediate space. It also means that I am pretty much screwed wherever I live. I need a room to be cold and have LOTS of blankets for sleeping. I have frozen many a person out of my home. (roommates, of course!)

Body temperature and sex drive seemed to be linked in the American lexicon. That guy is "hot". So-and-so's wife is "frigid". (generally reserved for women) we describe people in words generally reserved for the 10 PM weatherperson.

Our blood pressure rising doesn't raise our body temperature THAT much. And when a woman doesn't want sex, it generally has nothing to do with a change in the weather. (seasonal affective disorder notwithstanding)

So why are temperature and sex drive so linked?

And does that mean I'm some sort of temperature dominatrix?
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San Francisco illegally snapped!

2008-02-11T17:48:00.000-06:00

I have a Blackberry. But I turned my signal off, I swear!
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Bye bye SF!

2008-02-11T12:51:00.000-06:00

I am on the BART, headed for the airport for my return to KC! It has been an unbelievable trip! I have so much to process, and being to the blog and back to Kansas city. And just in time for Valentine's Day.

Total time in class: 90

Total bags packed to come out to SF: 2

Bags coming back with: 4.5

Certificites of course completion: 2

Papers to write: 3

Nights spent in Joani 8lank's guest bedroom: 1

New people met: upwards of 50

Knowing more about Sexology than I did before: priceless

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Another thing about San Francisco.....

2008-02-10T22:02:00.001-06:00

Where the street seperated from the curb during an earthquake. Yup, it's time to be back in Kansas City.....
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As seen in San Francisco....

2008-02-10T22:02:00.000-06:00

I think that says it all!
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Another thing about San Francisco.....

2008-02-10T20:22:00.000-06:00

Where the street seperated from the curb during an earthquake. Yup, it's time to be back in Kansas City.....
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Another thing about SF....

2008-02-10T16:18:00.000-06:00

No one has a wedding ring! I ride the bus (yeah public transportation!!) and I have yet to see a single "every kiss begins with Kay" set! Now, I may just have been living in the Midwest too long, but are wedding rings out of fashion? I mean ALL ages of people and not a single one is giving the secret married handshake!

Is everyone divorced? Are they all ceramicists? Do they just want to pick up itenerant bus people?

So many questions!
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Another SF pretty moment!

2008-02-10T15:26:00.000-06:00

It's pretty fricken georgeous today!
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As we pause for a pretty SF moment...

2008-02-10T13:23:00.000-06:00

It's LOVELY out here today! Woohoo!

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Only in San Francisco....

2008-02-10T12:02:00.000-06:00

I know you all are out there. Remember I am here as a resource too! I am a little behind (aka 3) with answering questions, but I'll catch up.

It's confidential, it's free and there are 10 other people who want to know the answer. And until my widget is up an running, you can email me @ ehadleyr@gmail.com. Your email erased upon answering. Pinky swear!
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Rebecca Chalker! Is in my class!

2008-02-09T16:35:00.000-06:00

She's the QUEEN of clitoral information.
She wrote the Clitoral Truth, A Woman's Book of Choices, Overcome Bladder Disorders, The Complete Cervical Cap Guide, and edited A New View of a Woman's Body!

She's been in the field for over 30 years, and she rocks! She's going to do a lecture on the the clit on Monday. I won't be here, but she's agreed to come to Kansas city to teach!

This place is magic!

This morning, child sexuality (Kansas city may not be ready for that). This afternoon, alternative lifestyles, AKA polyamory, BDSM couples, trans and lgbt families.

It,a gonna be a kick!
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Because the sexology classes aren't enough to screw with my head...

2008-02-09T16:25:00.000-06:00

Last night I was invited to see Brainpeople, the new play by the guy who adapted the Motorcycle Diaries for film. Three women, each with their own issues (a paranoid schitzophrenic, a multiple personality disorder, and a woman with severe childhood issues) hey together to eat a meal. Did I mention they are strangers? Did I mention that the childhood issues one payed the other two 20,000 each to make it through the meal? Did I mention they were eating Tiger? Tiger that was the daughter of the tiger that killed the childhood issues parents?

Yeah, don't ask. It DID make an interesting point about muscle memory. AKA, do you ingest the memories of the meat that you eat? Do you know what your Chicken Nuggets know? Is that why we have people with multiple personalities? Are those people just more suceptible to those memories?

Just wondering....
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Only in San Francisco....

2008-02-08T21:21:00.000-06:00

Not really, but it was a good shot
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And what do YOU want to be when you grow up??

2008-02-08T17:22:00.000-06:00

Everyone say it with me now,

Erotilogical
Art
Appraisal

That is another actual profession, along with Sexology. (our school shirts for this trimester say "Yes, it's an actual degree")

And it's hot kids! All the big auction houses (sotheby's, Christie's) are starting to recognize the value of erotic art...and they have no one to appraise it!

I am in an all day course where we are learning the basics of appraisal, and they are taking us through several pieces, and shoqung is work from lots of people, including an artist known for drawing anthropormorphic mice and ducks. (not that I can say the man's name) the institute will be offering a certification course in art appraisal in the next trimester.

In case you are all sitting at home, surrounded by erotic art, think about this...

You could be "enjoying" your retirement BEFORE you retire!

I'm just saying....

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Spelling isn't my strongest suit..

2008-02-07T11:41:00.000-06:00

As I peruse the latest question answered, I notice that there are at least a half dozen grammatical errors. On my next class break, I will rectify this.
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Vibrator, vibrator: Who's found the vibrator!!!

2008-02-07T10:35:00.000-06:00

**I had a much better picture. Smiling little girl holding a stuffed animal. It has been deemed too potentially disturbing****

Q: Dear Elizabeth...I LOVE my new vibrator! One problem though. I was downstairs cooking when my 6 year old daughter ran downstairs with it in her hand! She asked what it was, if she could play with it (it is pink and blue and lights up), and what this new toy was doing in my bedroom. HELP!

A: Alright, i give. After several hours sutudying here, I NOW understand that sex IS a huge component of relationships. SO, send your relationship question. I will no longer run away.

Now to the question...

Dear Breeder,

Congratulation! You have a very precocious and articulate child. As a breeder myself, I think that's a really good sign for later in life. Now, your particular breedling is also a girl, so what you do now is really important. So, let me put on my newly minted sexology hat and get to it!

It is VERY important that when children, no matter what age or situation, don't get negative messages about sex. Sexual development and curiosity occurs at ALL ages, just in ways that we are not used to looking at it as sexual. So, sex development in the average American teen may be more obvious, but many people can also remember stages of development very early on. A LOT of times, it's situations like this tht can stick with kids.

When your daughter asks about your vibrator, it's really important to know your kid. How much she can handle will depend on her unique ability to handle thing. Now, even the most savvy 6 year old won't be able to process all the levels of a vibrator, so my advice is to keep it simple. there's not reason to give her too much information and then watch her brain explode.

Something like this would be totally appropriate:

6 year old: "Mom, what's this?" *holds up vibrator*
Mom: "That's a vibrator."
6YO: "What is it?"
M: "I use it to make myself feel good."
6YO: "Like when you have a boo-boo?"
M: "Yes. when grown ups want to relax, they do all sorts of things. We eat broccoli, watch the news, drink wine or coffee, or sometimes use a vibrator. And someday, when you're grown up, you will have those options too!"
6YO: "I hate broccoli."

Children take their cues from how the parents react. If you're nervous and ashamed, they will think it's something bad. It you are mellow, they won't make a big deal about it either. and if you group it in with other things that they hate, they may not bring it up again. Oh, and be careful about how you look too when you are "outed". they will pick up facial cues too.

I hope this helps!!

After a lovely night at the citidel...

2008-02-07T00:08:00.000-06:00

So, last night we went on a field trip to the Citidel...a BDSM club (kids, ask your parents about this one!) to learn about, well, all sorts of things.

anyone take chemistry? Good. This was a lab course. Participation strongly suggested.

So, being the overachievier that I am...I participated in many, many events.

There was water play (sybaris).
There was flogging.
There was needle play.
I saw several people play with lighting their backs on fire.
Cupping too!
I saw several types of suspension techniques.
People played with a violet wand(electricity)
And, of course, wax.

Now, the wax was a gimme, but I'll tell you this.

I tried at least 3 other items.

Any guesses??

I LOVE my coursework!

Ps. Tonight I took a yoga class instead of going to the tranny strip club. Even I need a break!
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Me and Carol Queen...

2008-02-06T19:14:00.000-06:00

The clinical sexologist for Good Vibrations!
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Holy CRAP!

2008-02-06T13:25:00.000-06:00

I just met and talk to Joni blank! She founded Good Vibrations! It's like meeting the president of a country I'd be proud to meet! I can't stop typing with exclamation points!
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Only in San Francisco...

2008-02-05T20:59:00.000-06:00

I TOTALLY have a lot envy!
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So I went to this lovely Lesbian Superbowl party...

2008-02-05T14:12:00.000-06:00

And I had a blast! It was the MOST obnoxious-ly loud group of superbowl watchers I have ever been around! I fit right in (yeah Giants!!)

I have spent the last several days learning about the history of pornography, the bisexual movement, the history of the San Francisco Sex Information hotline, and about sexuality of women with breast cancer. Fun stuff!

But I'm having a blast, I have met the most amazing group of sexologists (there are more out there. Not just me!!), and tonight I get to go to the Citidel!!

Look it up kids, it's a BDSM club. And it's mandatory.

What was the last mandatory thing you had to do in school? And how jealous are you??

Lunch at the institute for the advanced study of human sexuality

2008-02-04T15:27:00.000-06:00

This morning, and overview of the institute. This afternoon, bisexuality!

Holy crap! It worked!

2008-02-04T09:54:00.000-06:00

And will a photo work?? If it does, it will show the lovely building in san Francisco, even when I freeze my butt off!

I am trying to post from my blackberry

2008-02-04T09:51:00.000-06:00

Let's see if it works!

I was trying ot set up my blog to do it remotely...

2008-02-04T09:43:00.000-06:00

But the damn thing's smarter than me. If anyone know how to do this. let me know!

I may know sex, but I am blogging illiterate... I guess you CAN'T heve everything!

Overheard on the plane...

2008-02-04T09:37:00.000-06:00

"I once heard that women fake orgasms, and men fake relationships. I was depressed for days..."
--the woman sitting next to me, once she had figured I wasn't talking to myself like a crazy person (bluetooth) and was a sexologist

Of Analingus and flavored lube...

2008-01-29T08:38:00.000-06:00

Q: My partner and I like to play anally. We'd like to do more, but the taste is...um...less than desireable. Can we used flavored lube to mask the taste?

A: Hello everyone! My name is Elizabeth Rich, and i would like to welcome back my old friend...

The Chocolate Anus!!!

It's good to be back, Elizabeth.

so, I have a question for you

Happy to help!

If someone wanted to lick you, and didn't like the taste, what would you recommend?

Not like the taste?

Yup.

But...I'm made of chocolate.

true, but i mean on a real person, not a chocolate one.

So, are you saying I'm not real???

I....

I have feelings too you know.

I.....

I'm very popular, people smile when they see me! the ladies love me!!

Now hold on a sec...

No, YOU hold on a sec. You call me to guest in your blog, parade me out in from of your

readers, and INSULT me?! I'm out of here. Peace out!!

Peace out??

...I thought I'd try it.

You sound like an anus-shaped Vanilla Ice.

Fine, whatever. Bye.

Suffice to say, flavored lube is alright in theory for analingus, but you have to think about warm wet places and sugar. Sugar and wet=yeast. And YES, you can get a yeast infection in your anus. You can get one in your eye, your mouth. Many people in this prediciment use astroglide, because of it's slightly sweet taste. Astroglide also makes a glycerin-free lube, for extra safety. SO, to sum up, flavored lube is alright in small quantities for non-vigorous fun, but clean up thoroughly when done, and dry the area for extra safety!

Mobile

2008-01-28T17:44:00.000-06:00

Blog mobile
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Sex Education Political a Go-Go!!

2008-01-22T12:57:00.000-06:00

Q: Dear Ms. Sexologist! I am voting in my first election, and I am trying to decide how important it is to look at the candidates recored in relation to sex ed. What do you think? Oh, and I live in Missouri, if that makes a difference...

A: Well, Mr./Ms. Anonymous, though I have a strict "no relationship" rule, I CAN let you know in a totally non-objective way where the major candidates stand on issues of sex ed. And while I know that abortion is also an important subject, we're gonna keep it simple
Here we go!:

Sex Ed by Presidential Candidate:

Sen. Hilary Clinton (D): Strongly supports sex education. Voted to expand age-appropriate sex ed that is medically accurate. (Bill S.Amdt. 244 to S Con Res 18 ; vote number 2005-75 on Mar 17, 2005 ) Believes that sex ed should not be abstienence-only.

Sen. John Edwards (D): Strongly supports comprehensive age-appropriate sex ed that would cover both abstienence as well as other forms of birth control. Believes that science-based birth control methods should be taught.

Rudy Giuliani(R): the most evasive of the candidates. When mayor of NYC, supports comprehensive sex ed. and condoms in schools. since make a presidential bid, has not spoken on the issue. Also believes that abstienence should be taught in schools, but has not gon so f

ar as to state abstinence-only education is the way to go.

Sen. Mike Huckabee (R): Strongly opposes sex ed in schools. Opposes condoms in schools. Believes abstinence-only education. Believes that no sex ed should be in schools, rather the

parents should be teaching their kids abstinence-only. (note: I know I said i wouldn't do thi

s, but Huckabee refused to let the state help a 15 year old girl who was raped by her stepfather. He cited the bible as reference.)

Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D): Strong advocate of sex ed in schools.

Believes we need to reinstate more HIV/AIDS education in schools. Opposes abstinence-only education. Co-sponsor of the REAL (Responsible Education About Life Act), which promotes sex ed in schools, and also discusses abstinence as a birth control option.

Sen. John McCain (R): Strongly opposed to comprehensive sex

education. voted against bill that would expand medically accurate sex education (Bill S.Amdt. 244 to S Con Res 18 ; vote number 2005-75 on Ma

r 17, 2005 ) Voted for bill to provide funding for abstinence-only education. Bill S 1956 ; vote number 1996-231 on Jul 23, 1996

Sen. Barak Obama: Strongly supports sex education. Voted to expand age-appropriate sex ed that is medically accurate. (Bill S.Amdt. 244 to S Con Res 18 ; vote number 2005-75 on Mar 17, 2005 ) Believes that sex ed should not be abstinence-only. Took flack in 2007 for saying that age-appropriate sex education should begin as early as kindergarten.

Gov. Mitt Romney(R): .

Supports sex education.Believes that sex education should be age-appropriate, factual, and medically accurate. Also supports abstinence-only education. As governor, his state recieved funding towards an abstinence-only campaign.

So that's our sex education roundup. Interested to know about our two lovely sides of the state line? check out my latest article in Present Magazine, due out this Friday!

All work and Inconsistent posting make Elizabeth a dull blogger!!

2008-01-20T23:02:00.000-06:00

Alright!

My New Years Resolution to all my lovely readers...

More
Consistent
Posting

You down with MCP?
Yeah you know me!!

Weekly, if not more often. Every Monday, a fresh question answered, a posting.
Every Friday, a new article or event that I was a part of.
Wednesday, the most relevant sex in the news.

All can be followed through the winkkc.com website.

Hey, I'm no Perez Hilton, but I will DEFINITELY be more on top of it.

Overheard at the HRC benefit...

2008-01-07T08:21:00.000-06:00

"There's a penis on the floor."

My Feeldoe floor model took a nosedive during bidding.

Thank you to everyone who came out to support an great cause. Christina, wherever you are, I hope you're breathing easy now. Great job!

I JUST saw the L word premier!!!!!!

2008-01-05T22:07:00.000-06:00

AND the second episode!!!

And I'm not telling what happened.

BUT you can find out early AND help an awesome cause by attending the Human rights Council Premier party tomorrow night!

WINK donated a basket for the raffle and will have an information booth featuring a sampling of products from your friendly neighborhood sex-positive store.

Hope to see you there. EVERYONE deserves rights. And vibrators.

when is a dildo not a dildo? When it's a dildo, of course!

2007-12-18T23:07:00.000-06:00

Q: Where did the word dildo come from?? Why do we use it?

A: God, I LOVE the variety of questions I get! Thank you for making this the least boring job ever!
Let's get to it, shall we??

This is a dildo:
It's a peg that holds an oar on a small boat (dory)

So is this:
Making for some happy residents of Newfoundland...

And this:

They've been around since then:

(Just your average Paleolithic dildo)

And portrayed in art since this:
(those wacky Greeks)
And like the etymology of many words, it's now almost always this:

Or this:

Or even this:

Think of that! Regular, everyday words that we use could someday be turned into the vernacular for a sex toy!

Dare to dream!

Overheard at dinner....

2007-12-18T23:00:00.000-06:00

"There are pink M&Ms for breast cancer. What color would obesity M&M's be?"
---A dear friend of mine, while we were holed up as a huge group at a tasty Italian joint on a cold winter night. there may have been wine involved...

Nookie not happenin? Stop stressing!!

2007-12-18T22:02:00.000-06:00

Q: A friend of a friend of my neighbor's third cousin has a best friend that he rarely sees cuz he's a lame shut in who works too much.
Now he's afraid that she's gonna move to Minneapolis. What should I do? I mean him... what should he do?

A: Well, not being a relationship expert and all, I would have to say you're screwed. She's forgotten all about you and thinks Minneapolis ROCKS. But as far as i know, she has no intention of moving any time in the near future, so....

As a sexologist, I would have to dissect how all this wondering is affecting your sex life.

when you're stressed, several things happen to your body, and a LOT of them can affect your libido. That's right, all that stress can rid you of the warm fuzzies in your pants.

may I introduce you to our little friend, Cortisol.

Cortisol is a very important hormone made by your adrenal gland.
It helps you wake up in the morning.
It helps your blood move through the vessels.
It lowers your pain threshold
It tells you to get far, far away from the man in the mask with the chainsaw running at you RIGHT NOW!!!

Just Kidding.

BUT, if you're stressed for a long time, Cortisol can do a lot of craptacular things too.

It can keep you up at night.
It can make your bones weaker.
Catching a cold never seemed easier.
And that spare tire you're sportin' these days? that's no coincidence, babe.

SO, instead of stressing about your friend who is NOT moving to Minneapolis this week, this month, or this year, think about the beating your sex life is taking. Because being a fat, sick, tired, broken-boned fellow is seriously going to cut into your nookie time.

'Nuff said.

Back from the Twin Cities

2007-12-03T09:29:00.001-06:00

And Boy do they ROCK!!

Not as much as Kansas City. Nope. Never. But pretty close.

And they have an IKEA!!!

Just a quick reminder that while I love you all, I am not a RELATIONSHIP expert. I can't help you with your relationship issues. But I CAN help with sex stuff. And I am more than willing to try.

SO

Relationship question, not so good.

SEX question, very VERY good.

I will be back on the blogging wagon as of later today. For as of right now, I must prepare to sully the minds of UMKC students. I will be guest lecturing in Harris Mirkin's Politics of Sex and Gender class from 2-3 today. You can find me there. Hopefully, they won't be afraid to ask either. But I don't think they will.

Don't forget to bag your giblets!!!

2007-11-22T09:15:00.000-06:00

Hello everyone and Happy Thanksgiving my American friends!! It has been quite an amazing couple of months, and I couldn't have done it without you all and your insatiable lust for information. And vibrators. And condoms. Well, you get the picture. To honor the holiday at hand, I have decided to hunt down a sexological urban myth, and fiound some surprising answers! So eat your turkey, unbutton your pants, and read away:

Q: I've heard that there are vegan condoms. What exactly is a vegan condom? Why are condoms not vegan?

A: Well, I have to admit that when I heard about vegan condoms, I had no idea what made these condoms special. Like the rest of the general non-vegan public, I hadn't thought about animal cruelty in my protective gear. Here I was, in my little latex bubble, thinking that as long as they weren't Lambskin (yes, they are lamb skin, it's not a clever name) they were vegan friendly. BUT NOOOOOOOOOO, how wrong I was!

Turns out latex condoms often are either

A. made by questionable manufacturers that may or may not use animal testing for their products (make me think of fluffy bunnies wearing Trojans)

B. Use casein (a milk-derivative) in the manufacture of the latex.

Only two condoms are actually approved by the Vegan Society are Condomi's and Glyde's. Of the two, vegan's of America are only entitled to Glyde's. Or so says the FDA.

SO, as you cut into your Tofurkey with tempeh drumsticks (yes, I have been to that meal. And it's GOOD!!!) with the one you love, know that afterwards, you can take your post Thanksgiving nookie to a animal-friendly level too. At least with one condom in the USA.

And for that, I truly give thanks.

Other article available here.

Dying of the plague...

2007-11-12T20:00:00.000-06:00

Once again, I find myself sick. Just your run-0f-the-mill snot monster in my head.

HOWEVER

Did you know that sex boosts your immune system? AND can help with headaches??

Keep in mind, researchers are talking about full, healthy sexual relationships. this would include (at least in researchers minds) orgasms. That extra rush of blood, a good dose of sweat, and an orgasm could mobilize the immune system.

Like our own little sex G.I. Joe's!

BUT

Another study found that TOO much sex could weaken the immune system. It could also be symptomatic of an obsessive relationship.

That's other researchers, not me.

So let's wrap it up for today:

Sex: Good for colds and headaches
Orgasm: Like our own little Gen. George Casey (look it up, folks)
Too much sex: A figment of scientists imaginations. Or lucky people who need a vitamin supplement to boost their oversexed bodies.

So, as a good researcher, the question I must ask myself, is....

Am I having too much sex, or not enough??

It's my own little exi-sexu-al crisis!

the question that makes me feel dirty all over...

2007-11-09T18:15:00.000-06:00

Q: So, I have this guy I ‘ve been seeing seriously for a few months, and it’s been great, but this cute guy that I was hitting on months ago finally came around and asked for my number. I want to go on the date with him! It’s not that I’m interested in leaving my boyfriend, but I’m just so curious about this other guy! What should I do??

A: It's official. I'm the relationship expert at Cosmo. I'm not quite sure how that happened, but hey, Let's see if I can help.

First let me start by saying I am NOT a relationship expert. Nor do I have a degree in psychology. Nor do I have a desire to.

BUT, I can examine this question from a neuro-chemical perspective.

Let's break it down, sexologist-style. Awwwwww yeah.

*******Gendered answer approaching, proceed with caution***********
girl likes boy.
boy likes girl.

chemistry is a-boppin. things are strong. dopamine is kickin' stronger than heroin.

(see my other article on sexual chemistry)
A few months later, the chemistry that bonds us to each other for mating purposes wane a wee bit. Seratonin kicks up a notch, so we're not as obsessed with the boyfriend as we used to be. (could be a couple months, could be several years, depending on your chemical response to each other)
You start seeing other people.
And by seeing, I mean "oh, look there are other members of the opposite/same sex out there that are really hot.
Now this is where all those philosophers cross my path. We have free will. Free will dictates that you can stop yourself from random encounters with hot guys/girls behind your boy/girlfriends back.
And then, other bonding chemicals (like endorphins) kick in that have to do with attachment, instead of horniness.
SO the real question you need to ask yourself is am I looking for horniness, that initial rush of attraction over and over,

or are you looking to form a chemical attachment to another human being.

It's your call. That free will thing again.

I need to take a shower now...

All hail the vagina puppet!!!

2007-11-06T20:07:00.000-06:00

God I LOVE my job!!! I am totally selling these babies on my website when it's finally out of beta testing!!!

Read All About It!!

2007-10-26T15:33:00.000-05:00

Someone has lost their mind enough to let me write for them.

like a column. In a paper.

Present Magazine has asked me to write a column about all things sexual and Kansas City. i have written 4 already, some KC, some not. But it allows me to make this blog question specific again, and my rants to go elsewhere.

SO, if there's something is KC that I need to address, something sexual, something that YOU want covered, let me know.

Don't every be afraid to ask.

I have been a bad, bad girl...

2007-10-10T23:18:00.000-05:00

And i'm sure that I have the product to punish me in the store...

I have been neglecting my blog!

But for a good reason folks! WINK is now open, and I am busier than I expected. But keep your questions coming! I know I am WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY behind, but don't stop! I will be back and in full force. I promise.

Or I will dispatch myself with the closest flogger to me.

Until then, you can find me in WINK 6 days a week.

See all of you soon!

Mike certainly isn't Vestal...

2007-09-11T10:44:00.001-05:00

Yes, you from the coastal regions, it happens.

Despite being rated the WORST city to date in America, people in the heartland have sex. And lots of it.

And for those who aren't getting laid enough, there's always inappropriate e-mails.

The mayor of Tonganoxie, KS has been outed as an horndog with a crappy sense of humor.

Turns out the guy sent a picture of a naked woman to several men in his office...

along with accidentally forwarding it to a reporter from a local news station.

The best part? Well, it's hard to choose between the naked lady picture, and the inappropriate comment about Martin Luther King Jr. Decisions, decisions.

you can ready more about this gem of a human being here.

Just thought I'd take a break
from store stuff for a second. We are open for business in EXACTLY 7 DAYS!!!!!!

Can you feel the buzz of excitement????

I am typing this one-handed...

2007-09-07T02:56:00.000-05:00

I've been waiting to make that joke for a while...

HOWEVER, humor is not without it's price.

While readying the store for opening (which is Sept. 18th!!!!! BE THERE!!!), I learned that tiny women, even if they are yoga teachers, should not attempt to pick up large pieces of wall by themselves. There are wee bits of bone in your hand. Turns out you can dislocate them.
Funny, huh??

But DON'T WORRY!
I will be posting in one form or another. This won't stop me!!!

Who da Ho? Craig's da Ho!

2007-08-30T21:44:00.000-05:00

There seem to be lots of "HO"s in Idaho this week. The one below...

Or the one below that...

Here I was all ready to publish my in depth experience into the sexy side of the Motor city, when what should happen , but this guy!! And let me tell you, Sen. Larry Craig is NOT what I want to be talking about. Hell, everyone else on the planet is talking about him. And I have no desire to get in on the action. HOWEVER, when a man has to solicit in a public place for sex...
or their intern pool
(that's Mark Foley if you don't recognize him. And if you have no idea who he is, you should)

Or have an anti-gay voting record, and then come out of the closet.
(that's Spokane Mayor Jim West, y'all)

then I have to take a wee break from fetish wear and have a little fireside chat moment with everyone.

*As i take a moment to fluff my smoking jacket*

We should not try and fight our biology. Never, never, never. It leads to some dark places.

Or in Senator Craig's world, a bathroom stall.
NOW I know that there will be some who think that I am saying serial killers should just go out and kill. BUT you would be big, fat, WRONG-O, my friend.

I feel that people should be able to talk about their desires and urges, that they should be honest. It is illegal in America to lock someone up for being gay. If a serial killer gets help, and reaches out before things go haywire, perhaps all that senseless killing could be avoided.

But back on the gay tip for a moment. Old men should come out of the closet everywhere! i know it's scary to do something that can change your life, but for god's sake, what EXACTLY is the better alternative????

Hell, think about how my parents felt when I told them I wanted to be a sexologist and open a dildo store for women? I would have been more popular is I told them I was an old gay man.

I think that if old gay men would be a little bit more like this one...
ex-New Jersey governor Jim McGreevey

The world would be a better place...

run, little birdies, RUN!!!

2007-08-23T21:58:00.000-05:00

Now, I am not a huge fan of pigeons...

BUT

on my recent trip to Hamtramck, MI my friends told me about a lovely plan the city has to reduce the pigeon population.

Say it loud, say it proud.

FORCED
PIGEON
CONTRACEPTION

Yes, the little darlin's will be pecking away at birdseed laced with aviary ortho-trycyclin. Yummy.

And their not the first ones to try it.

And why would I blog about this on my sex question blog??

Because, dear reader, as much as the feathered rats with wings are the bane of many a city park, once a pigeon gets dosed, there's no stopping it from heading up the food chain.

AKA, dead pigeon becomes cat food, cat pees in yard, Down came the rain and washed the pee into the ground...out came the sun....and soon COULD we all could be using contraceptive without even knowing it?

What would the Catholics say then?

I wonder if Margret Atwood was thinking about pigeon contraception when she wrote The Handmaid's Tale?

And who are we to encourage contraception in BIRDS, but tell young women that it's immoral to use it themselves??

Just a thought...

Overheard at dinner....

2007-08-18T21:23:00.000-05:00

"I suppose I could write off a Ford F350 to the business, but that would be a LOT of dildos!!!!!"
-me, to my mom. She is *so* proud!!!

Teacher, can I get an extension???

2007-08-16T18:05:00.000-05:00

****I must preface this by saying that I drank a red Bull. I drank a Red Bull. I drank a Red Bull. and for those of you who have done this, you know exactly what I mean.*********

Q: you are taking tooo damn long to update your blog. Elizabeth-Hadley, I've got one for you. My boyfriend is a little on the "short" side. Do penis pumps work?

A: I know, I stink. Opening the physical part of WINK is taking up all my valuable sex question-answering time! I will be flogged later. And I promise not to like it.

This is a penis pump. Say "hi" penis pump!

"Hey"

So, Mr. Penis pump, do you work??

"well, that's a tricky question. If your goal is to draw as much blood into your penis as possible, then yes..."

Sort of like a hickey for your penis???

"I was talking here."

Sorry, I just...

"Yeah, well don't interrupt me. It's incredibly rude."

*silence*

"But to answer your question, YES. I am much like an all-over hickey for your penis. I will draw a lot of blood into the shaft, as much as it can take, and then I will stop working."

Ah, I see. So, what if a man is shorter than the average bear? Or thinner?

"Well, Ms. sexologist, I would assume YOU would know that there is no average size or girthwhen it comes to penises. That's just a feeling that men experience because of visuals in contemporary media."

Wow, for a penis pump, you are really smart.

"I went to Harvard."

Really?!

"No, idiot. I'm a penis pump."

right. Good point.

"HOWEVER, for men who feel they need a little extra, they do make products called penis extenders. They look like this:

That's a pretty realistic extender...

"Yeah, that's my cousin. We're pretty proud."

As well you should be.

"the penis extender is a latex condom -like device that rolls over an erect penis and has an inch to two inch mini-dildo tip on the top, thereby extending the penis. It also comes in models that extend the girth of the penis."

can the man attached still feel anything?

"It's like wearing a condom, and some even come with ridges on the inside for his pleasure."

I'm not sure you can say that. It's trademarked by Trojan.

"Screw Trojan. I'm a penis pump."

Alrighty, then. Thank you for coming on our blog here and explaining the difference between a penis pump and an extender.

"It's always great to be here. Oh, and Elizabeth?"

Yes, penis pump?

"Stop drinking Red Bull."

She's BACK!!!

2007-08-08T21:45:00.000-05:00

and badder than ever!
(That's me driving...)
I have returned from my sexual exploration of Detroit and Chicago, and have SO much to tell everyone!!! Those were some seriously sexy cities!!

Also on the upcoming radar:

-premature ejaculation DOES NOT exist!!!

-Just what IS a penis extender???

-Pigeon contraception

-The latest sex research from our 7th favorite state, Texas. 'Cause everything's bigger in Texas!!

-My review of sex shops in the Windy and Motor cities...

and SO MUCH MORE!!!

Overheard at dinner...

2007-08-02T21:40:00.001-05:00

(Though I am technically on vacation this week, I couldn't resist)

Proving once again that everything is dirtier with me around...

"I played with my Kraken in the bathtub."
-Yes, he was referring to the toy.

Lights....camera....PORNO!!!!!

2007-07-27T16:06:00.000-05:00

Q: My partner and I want to make amateur porn, maybe even send it out on the Internet. I had a friend that did it and made 20.00 for a 20 minute video! What do you think???

A: Holy Paris Hilton, Batman!!! Well, as long as you're not a senator with a presidential future, here goes....
*******I am assuming that this is a legal, of-age person. Otherwise....how dare you? People don't think about sex until their 18!! Or so I've been told...************

1. first thing is first. Is this a fantasy that both of you are into? Are you both of legal age? No one wants trouble for what should have been a fun act. Video always leaves a trail. Remember that. Your pervy grade-school chum WILL find you. Trust me, little Petey is now a grown-up perv.

2. After talking to a few failed film majors (like myself), I found out that LIGHTING is EVERYTHING!!! As any woman will tell you, florescent lights are the tool of the devil. So dim 'em, a regular side table light isn't enough. So get creative with the lighting and your camera. do it in advance of feeling hot and frisky, so it doesn't slow you down.

3. For your first foray into the wide wonderful world of porn, stick with someone you know and trust. Remember, you're ostensibly making it for your enjoyment later with them. Do NOT bring in any outsiders. It WILL backfire!!!

4. Is everyone tested for everything under the sun? I mean STI's, not the common cold. Nothing will make your piece of tape bittersweet like a trip down memory lane that make you remember your first bout of Chlamydia.

5. I do not recommend you ever sell your tapes to any websites. All fantasy play is about control. And that's how you lose control. You don't know these people, you don't know what they will do, where you will go. Feeling safe and comfortable is to fantasy like peanut butter is to jelly. Good separate, but great together.

6. Make 2 copies. If the two people involved break up, there must be a pact to destroy both tapes. If one person is being a bastard, the other has a wee bit of leverage. Not that I'm that type of person, but...

7. Now go play! there are so many ways you can have fun with this.

These words came out of MY mouth!!!

2007-07-25T20:10:00.000-05:00

"How do you fuck a wall??"

Yes, even sexologists have questions. Really, really easy questions. Asked at dinner parties, in front of lots of close friends.

The answer, is (of course) a dildo with a suction cup on it.

Duh, Elizabeth-Hadley...

Turns out the humility corner is really pretty. Lots of butterflies and a hammock and EVERYTHING!!!

Rimming around those rosy cheeks...

2007-07-23T10:41:00.000-05:00

Ahhhhh, nothing makes me happier than starting a week with an anal question...

Q: I went down on my partner and my tongue made it's way to their anus. Now they want me to "go there" all the time. What gives? Is licking someone's butthole safe?"

A: Let me introduce you to your friend the anus... This one is made of chocolate, but you get the idea.

The anus and the (***fancy word for the day alert!!!) perianal region has about a gazillion nerve endings.

I know, very scientific of me...

Here's the thing about those nerve endings. They are very, very, very close to the surface. So a little flick of the tongue, a light touch with a lubed up finger is gonna feel pretty darn good even WITHOUT penetration. Some people thinks it's too intense, and prefer to not be touched there at all.

But if your partner likes is, here's some tips to make it a little more fun for everyone involved.

-As the popular children's book says, Everybody Poops. clean and safe are the words of the day. If your not an enema person (lord knows many people aren't), may I suggest a dental dam for your pleasure? If it's a spur of the moment thing, (and I defer to the grandmother of all sex-perts, Sue Johanson), grab a piece of plastic wrap to keep things clean. The crinkling may throw you off, and be a wee on the funny side, but Sex and laughter is AWESOME!!!

Now let me introduce you to my friend Hepatitis A:
Gnarly looking little guy, huh? And how do you get to host Mr. Hep A? Mouth to poop contact.

Just something to think about. So lick on, my friend, lick on...

And off into the world I go!!

Let the world read this!!

Wi(t)ch hunt shall we go on now?

2007-07-19T22:32:00.000-05:00

I had a happy little question about rimming, but then someone was kind enough to send me this link to what is happening just over the state line from where I am.

It's really, really scary.

I'm still trying to find information on this subject, but here's the jist.

1. The National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families has set up shop in my area and has opened a grand jury.

2. The grand jury has been formed to decide what is obscene and what isn't in Jackson, Johnson, and Wyandotte county.

3. They have signed a petition against 32 strip clubs, porn stores, and video stores in the Kansas City metro area.

Now here's my question...

Who are they and what jurisdiction to they have?

On what ground to they get to legislate morality?

And when did witch hunts come back in fashion?!

I respect everyone's right to believe whatever they want, but how do we allow anyone to decide what's moral and what's not? And with morality being a relative idea, why do we decide dildos and porn are wrong in the USA in the 21st century, but not at the turn of the 20th? Or in Europe right now?

I just don't get it.

Back to analingus tomorrow!!!

When is a dildo not a dildo?

2007-07-16T14:04:00.001-05:00

Q: What is the difference between dildos and vibrators??

A: Ah, young grasshopper, you have much to learn. And boy howdy, have you come to the right place!!

This is a dildo:
This model, known as the "Randy Purple" is a classic dildo. Notice it's girth. Notice it's fairly stagnant nature. It's pretty straightforward. Grasp firmly, insert in appropriate hole, pull out.
Repeat.
Repeat.
Repeat.
REPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAT!!!

Now, this is a vibrator:

Looks a little like our friend Randy, but has the difference of a small motor inside the base, which makes the whole thing buzz.

Now let's make your geometry teacher happy, shall we?

This is a Ven Diagram:

Let's say the right circle is vibrators, and the left side is dildos. Sometimes, a vibrator can be dildo shaped, but sometimes it's not.

Sometimes it looks like this:

Or this:

and PLEASE don't try and stick this up in ya:

So kids. Here's what we've learned.
1. Sometimes a dildo is just a dildo.
2. Sometimes it can be a vibrator as well.
3. But sometimes a vibrator is NOT dildo-shaped.
4. Geometry IS helpful!!!
5. Your geometry teacher would faint right now if they knew what you were doing.

This week is catch up on questions. So look for lots of updates!!!!

The Hitachi Magic Wand will buff your clit into oblivion!!!!

2007-07-12T14:41:00.000-05:00

not really...

Ok,

This is the magic wand:

and it is a lovely tool. Tons of advantages to this one, kiddos.

-It plugs into your wall. that's right. No running out of batteries on this one.
- Lots of different attachments, for different kinds of fun.
-Lots of settings that can take you from "awwww, yeah" to "OH MY GOD" with the mere flick of a button.

But, as in many a Harry Potter sequel, the good does not exist without the bad.
Or the darkside, depending on whether your pre-Gen X or not.

For, dear readers, if you spend too much time on the wand, the batteries won't die out.
Nor will it look up at you and say "Um, I think that's enough for today."

So, over time, and if you and up using it for, oh, let's say 8 hours at a time, your clit can feel a little aboused.

But fear NOT!!!

The clitoris is a lovely little nub that bounces back in no time!

Just treat it like a sports injury.

No, not Icy Hot.

PLEASE no Icy Hot!!

Give it time to rest. Put the wand away. Please, step away from the wand. Go back to a little manual work. Say hello to your hand again! Make friends. Just give it a little time.

And no, you cannot become addicted to your vibrator. You CAN become obsessed with a vibrator, but an addiction must imply harm. There's a great article here.

So be happy, be healthy, and vibrate away.
Just take an occasional break, k?
k.

Orgy ettiquite 101

2007-07-09T11:33:00.000-05:00

Q: What would you consider proper orgy ettiquette? please tell us your sex-expert thoughts on orgies.

A: Woah. A sexpert! I feel like miss USA with a dildo-encrusted crown!

And maybe i shouldn't use the word "encrust" with dildo ever, ever again.

There are definite rules and regulations when it comes to group sex. Let me don my little referee outfit and get to the task!

1. the first rule to remember about sex is that it is a powerful act. Not in that "mama is moralistic" way, but in the way that it releases all those lovely chemicals into your system. (see "Friends With Benefits" below) So know that you will be releasing them into your system. But, if you're in the orgy, that's probably the point.

2. Be careful about recreational drug use. Sometimes it can cloud your judgement just enough to think it's really a great idea to have unprotected anal sex or anal then vaginal sex. Feces in your vagina is never a good thing.

3. Make sure everyone is alright with it. Most people are, but once and a while, you have someone who accidently fell down the rabbit hole and is now trapped in "Alice in Wet-Naked-Slipperyland". That can be a very odd place to be.

4. If you are heading in with your significant other, make sure you are ok with it, and have a safe word or a time out scheduled to make sure you are still okay with it. If you are already chemically attached to another hman being, it can be a DOOZY to see them with someone else.

5. Know that you will come out a changed person. No matter how open you are to the experience, it will change you. Sometimes, not a bad thing, ust be ready.

6. Most importantly, BE SAFE AND HAVE FUN!!!

Afraid of nipples....

2007-07-06T22:13:00.000-05:00

Quote from a dinner party I was at this evening:

"My 3 year old daughter doesn't need to know what nipples are for. She'll find out when she needs to find out."

Because nipples are hard to explain??

Just a pre-bedtime thought.

When you bring your husband's underwear to work...

2007-07-05T13:57:00.000-05:00

It's time to reasess what you do.

On the wire:

"LANSING, Mich. (AP) -- A state forensics scientist who said she tested DNA in her husband's underwear to find out whether he was cheating could be disciplined if investigators determine she violated the use of state equipment."

To read the rest of the article, you can look here.

Sort of like a crack dealer marrying a DEA officer.

Cheating Husband: "honey, what are you doing?"

Forensic Scientist Wife: "Um, nothing"

CH: "Is...is that my UNDERWEAR???"

FSW: *pause*

FSW: "no"

CH: "Hon, i distinctly saw you stuff my jalapeno pepper boxers in your purse."

***Sounds of a pair of patent leathers scrambling out the door, into the car, and heading to work.***

And that's why open dialogue is KEY in relationships!!!

I don't normally do this, but...

2007-07-05T13:12:00.000-05:00

Happy 4th of July!!

Photo courtesy of Photo Casket.

I will see you all back her tomorrow!

That's what I get for using that new-fangled computer thingy...

2007-07-03T08:11:00.000-05:00

Dearest readers!!!

I apologize for the site looking like gobboldy-gook for the last few days. But we are now up and running and ready to answer your questions yet again!

Thank you all for being patient!!!

Elizabeth

While watching SICKO this afternoon...

2007-06-30T19:58:00.000-05:00

i struk up a wonderful conversation with a couple who also aw the movie. We've decided that there needs to be another term for people with varied sexual interests.

Because fetishists are defined as people who effectually can't get no satisfaction without whatever it is that gets their rocks off.
(I can't come up with another song title to fit in that sentence)

And "sexual deviations" implies that they aredifferent than the norm. And that assumes a standard we all conform to. Which is a load of crapola.

SO, I am looking for a way to describe a multitude of sexual interests without grouping them into fetish-land, and not making people feel outside the so-called norm.

Any suggestions???

P.S. SICKO is probably the most disturbing piece of filmmaking I have seen in a while. Yes, it's regular Michael Moore posturing, but it makes you want to move to Cuba.

Armpit Syphilis...

2007-06-29T23:01:00.000-05:00

Guess who is having dinner with an STD expert tonight??

Yup, that's me.

And it turns out in New York City, in immigrant families virginity is so highly prized, that girl's boyfriends are not penetrating them at all.

Kudos to them!

INSTEAD...

They are having sex with their armpits.
Now there's a huge rise in armpit syphilis.
Don't look here until you digest your din-din.
Have a lovely Friday night!

The Latest and Greatest, June 2007

2007-06-28T16:11:00.000-05:00

At the end of every month, I add the latest and greatest innovations I have come across in the world of sex. here's June 2007's top 5:

1. Discarded foreskins are being used to treat burn victims. Oh, and in face cream.

2. The CONE is one of the first products I will stock at WINK when we open in September. Count down the days and save your pennies!!!

3. American Stag, the local film with a little titillation. Always a good time.

4. The third date rule. An article sent to me by a lovely reader of this here blog.

5. Going into Pricilla's and overhearing a conversation between the counterboy and a male customer about a universal lubricant for his pleasure. "you know, so the condom doesn't break and the b**ch don't get pregnant." Priceless!!!

A point of clarification...

2007-06-28T15:47:00.000-05:00

Q: Where does one find such a (female) friend? (Follow up to friends with benefits)

A: I assume you are adult enough to find someone on your own.

EVERYONE

A: I am NOT a dating service.
A: I am NOT a sex fiend using this to find a date.
A: I am a SEXOLOGIST.
A: I am not gonna answer personal questions, or post comments like this ever again.
A: This is about creating a SAFE space for people to ask questions.
A: I am NOT about censoring this blog, or taking away it's anonymity. BUT if pushed, if I don't feel safe, i will hunt you down with your IP address and turn you over to my burly friend Guido. Or just the police.

Are we clear now??

Is There a Benefit to "Friends With Benefits"???

2007-06-27T22:23:00.000-05:00

Q: It is now tuesday. What are your thoughts on "friends with benefits" relationships?

A: I have no idea what you are talking about.

BUT

If I was, perhaps, acquainted with this concept (say from 1996-1999), I would say besides all the possible emotional landmines, STD chances, pregnancy scares, and emotional landmines (yes, I said it twice), it can be really fun. And I am all about consenting adults having fun.

HOWEVER

Humans are chemically built for a certain amount of pair bonding. It is REALLY, REALLY hard to not ultimately get emotional with persons you are doin' the horizontal mambo with. And the vertical mambo, if they know what they are doing. When a human has an orgasm, the chemicals released from the brain shoot from your Hypothalamous to your genitals at a rate of 250 MILES AN HOUR. It releases:
Oxytocin
Dopamine
Phenylethylamine (PEA)
Pheramones
Seratonin

Also known as:
Prescription painkillers
Heroin
Chocolate
Smelly socks
Prozac

So, if you think you can fight the innate chemistry of your body as can your friend, I say go for it. Otherwise, stay home, watch TV while shooting heroin on painkillers and wearing smelly socks. Follow with a chocolate chaser and a dash of antidepressants, and you've hit the Trifecta.